My Artists' Journey - Part 2 (Self-Exploration)

It would take 5 more years until I decided within my own heart to try to “be an artist.” Lots of experimentation along the way and trying to make it in the “real world.”

Something “clicked” my senior year in my college art program after my France Abroad (see “Part 1”). However, even though I had an entire spring semester to “explore” my new painting style, I got very, very frustrated. Because, even though my professor recognized something in me to keep going in that direction, he could not take me there. He could only point the way. So I spend those final months asking myself what the heck did I do to get my church painting & how do I do that again?

We all then started life after college graduation. I married (too young in our opinion) my high-school sweetheart and we moved to downtown Chicago to “start our life together.” It was tough. I found a job at a then-start-up commercial real estate firm who needed a graphic designer to put together their building flyers. My new bosses were hard-core born & raised Jewish New York City entrepreneurs that set off to conquer the real estate market in the “backwaters” of “puny” Chicago. Those 3 years were life transforming for me, & under their co-Founder, Jeff as my mentor, I learned a LOT about helping him start the Marketing department & business, as the firm rapidly grew from 3 brokers to over 20 when I left. It was such a cool experience.

But, I was creative and a dreamer. I wanted to travel, see the world and figure out my life on the fly. I married someone very opposite of me and even though we both thought we knew each other since we grew up together, very soon it was VERY evident that once we started making hard life decisions, we were VERY, VERY different. Looking back, we both never got some time spent by ourselves to figure out who we wanted to be.

I got pretty depressed. I felt this huge “drive” within me to “do something creative” but I didn’t know what. For so many years, I just felt I had a big question mark about it. I still at this time, felt very insecure about becoming a “real artist.” So I did everything I could think of to foster my dreaming around my strict 9-5 job.

I thought maybe I’d go back to school to be an Art Historian, but I needed to be fluent in at least 1 European language, preferably 2. I also needed lots of credits/portfolio showcasing my research papers (which I had none). I looked into MA in Graphic Design but since I was a minor in college, I did not have enough credits to get into a MA program without showing I finished other foundational coursework. At that point, web design and Flash was all the rage and I am not a software programmer so it was pretty intimidating & there was not a whole lot of space for creative folks like me to fit into such a technical world. There was quite a split still, either print-focused or web-focused. I looked into being an Art Teacher but again, needed Education background to fulfill that role.

But all these weren’t enough and I truly felt I was missing out on the opportunity that I needed to take before I had kids. I instinctively knew that once we wanted a family, I would be the type of mother that would be 100% devoted to that role, and if I did anything “selfish” for myself, I would need to do it BEFORE kids.

But we were living in downtown Chicago barely scraping by, the prospect of going into debt to pursue . . . something graduate school related was overwhelming. I certainly explored creative outlets ass much as I could since we had a tiny apartment, I could sketch and draw. I finally took an oil painting class which I loved but couldn’t really paint large paintings only tiny ones back at home.

I literally felt like a tiger in a cage. My soul was slowly dying and I didn’t know what to do.

I look back on those years - now over 17 years ago, and definitely feel for myself. I was in the “Wilderness,” feeling very alone and isolated. The city atmosphere was grating on me and my husband and I both hated the cold. It was exiting to live there without a car, taking transportation into downtown to work on the brown El line back to Armitage ini Lincoln Park but it was VERY routine. My personality prefers spontaneity (not too much but a little!) or flexibility, to keep my dreams alive, to keep a spark of life. As I look back I felt like I was barely hanging on. Even though I loved my husband very much, I expected him to support me no matter what, and to appreciate me for everything he was not. A Dreamer married to a Realist is not all that fun LOL.

I did a LOT of soul searching.

In the end, my soul heard me and gave me a way forward . . . .

My Artists' Journey - Part 1 ("The Painting that changed my life")

As I sat on my bed in my hotel room in Southern France in 2002, I knew that something had changed but couldn’t put my finger on it. I was mad! Frustrated that I couldn’t figure this out. You would think I would be in heaven–on my 2nd college abroad, in France for 8 weeks, and all we had to do was draw or paint all day while we traveled visiting villages, chateaus, and cities.

Why the heck was I SO ANGRY? I remember vividly I was staring at my tiny blank, white watercolor piece of paper, feeling my anger build up inside me. It was like when you’re a little kid and the teacher (or maybe your best friend) is telling you, “You have to be IN the lines Katy! IN the lines!” and I didn’t want to be in the lines, in face I intuitively knew that I SHOULDN’T be in the lines. It kind of felt like that!

I had taken art classes since I was 11. I had first looked upon one of my friend’s portrait of a woman he had created himself, and copied out of a photograph of a recent National Geographic magazine. It was just a girl and it was just a portrait done in pencil. But it was gorgeous - lifelike and perfect graphite rendering. I was absolutely captivated! How the heck did he do that? It looks so perfect! So real! Could I do that?

Taking art classes that young was definitely beneficial. I learned very early ob that YES, anyone could be taught how to draw like that. It was a skill to learn, practice and improve upon. It was clear that the traditional method of how to draw portraits or sketch landscapes was how to “see” the world like an artist: how to read light/shadow, how to abstract shape, how to learn the “little tricks” that optically capture something and then know that the eye will put it together (such as using one simple line curved in the right way “popped out” an eyelid, or created the pupil and thus suggested the twinkle in that eye). It was really fun. And it gave me a lot of encouragement that I could draw like that too.

Chartres Cathedral, Watercolor, 48x36 - painted from a graphite rendering by myself
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

And I drew and drew and copied and copied from photographs, magazines, calendar images, advertisements, etc. Some of them weren’t exact - cause again I would get impatient with my details. But I tried. And I loved it.

And I went all the way through my High School years never once thinking I’m an artist. I even decided to do the art program in my Liberal Arts college and wanted to do graphic design to be “practical.” But I still didn’t see myself as “an artist”, as a creator, as a designer, or whatever. I was interested in the subject matter but not very talented (100% believed it). Everyone else was way better than me. ESP one of my good friends who had always grown up doing what normal artists did - lounging around the school lobby sketching his peers from life, going out into nature and rendering a perfect rabbit or deer. He was (and still is) an AMAZING real life artist. His paintings, sketches, renderings, you name it are incredible and lifelike. In fact he has been paid to sketch scientific illustrations for the Smithsonian - the kind that have to be so exact, down to the millemeter of particular species of animals or birds, it’s impressive.

But he was an artist. That’s the way artists should be.

But that was not me in any way. I soon got very bored. And just kind of floated through college with not a lot of purpose, feeling instinctively that I was drawn to art but never gave myself permission, and didn’t know what to do. We had an eccentric professor who had been taught a specific watercolor technique from California/1950’s that taught all the advanced drawing/painting classes. I later learned this but at the time didn’t think too much about it. We were taught very specific techniques from him, as well as the tradition of plein air painting.

It was not until the France abroad my senior year in the fall that I finally got it —I don’t like plein air painting!! LOL! (But now I realize that’s where I get a lot of my “watercolor” influence now).

As I look back I realized I was frustrated and very bored with my college art classes. I didn’t know it at the time of course, but the lack of practical guidance and individual encouragement to find one’s own “personal style” was completely void. You either learned how to paint like this professor or you got B’s. Well I got B’s. So I thought I was no good and therefore didn’t understand it because I felt like I was painting like I was “supposed to” but there was nothing I could understand or hold onto concept-wise. I never did know what I was doing or what I was supposed to do. It was uber frustrating!

On the France abroad fall of my senior year, we would visit towns in the south along our route and by the time we got to the Dordogne area, I was so angry at my professor because it was just a freakin guessing game. He would come over to each of us and talk about things but it was abstract to me or way too specific. For some reason I wasn’t getting it and still after 4 years I didn’t have a clue what he wanted from me.

I was so upset I just picked up my stuff and headed back to my hotel room (which earned me a BIG FROWN from him). In the peace and quiet, I popped in a CD I had made of Mozart (yes no apple devices yet - this was well over a [two] decades ago!).

Honfleur Chapel, Watercolor, 8x10 - Kathryn Neale Studio © 2002. All Rights Reserved.

And an amazing thing happened. I completely let go. I created a painting that was a conversation in my head with the professor. I did everything that he “didn’t want me to do” and when asked “why?,” I responded “I DON’T CARE!!”. The result was something I had NEVER produced before. And I had no idea what to make of it. It was a church, a church from memory (even though I have a terrible memory) but it was . . . abstract to me. And completely foreign.

After I made it, I stared and stared. I felt incrementally that I had made something different that this was a “turning point” but still couldn’t decide what to make of it. There was this . . . . SHIFT. I certainly felt good, felt relieved and felt like this was mine. I didn’t feel that I liked it necessarily but it was still like “did I just do that?”

Every night we would all gather together for a “show and tell.” I had labored back and forth whether to bring it down and finally I thought “F-it! who cares! that’s what I did today so everyone can just be mortified. I put it down with all the other beautiful creations. And held my breath. I watched as one by one my art colleagues and friends passed it by. They would nod and smile and point at other friend’s work and say “nice job!” or “I love that!” “wow!” but not one word about my little painting. Not one word. They didn’t know what to make of it.

And then out of no where, a voice beside my ear whispered, “Katy, did you make that?” I spun around face to face with none other then my . . . professor!! I gulped. “YES.” There was this a long, pregnant pause . . . . . . and then he whispered, “well I would like to see MORE of that!”

WHAT?!?! What? I don’t think I heard you? MORE OF THAT?! More of WHAT? I was stunned.

That was it! That was all my church painting got in a response. And I was completely bewildered. I was 100% positive I would get reprimanded and or worse, just ignored. But I got a response! And not just any response but a whole-hearted positive encouragement!

**********************************************************************************************************************************

Well I can’t tell you the ending to this story because there was no such thing until years later when I finally concluded I had to make art (even though I still wasn’t “an artist). I wish I could say that I went on to create all these paintings and came out of college bursting with energy and confidence because I was a painter!!! an artist! But that’s not how life is. This painting was subtle, so subtle I barely missed it. But it lingered there, waiting for me to acknowledge it.

Japanese Bagoda, Watercolor, 48x36 - Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

Jazz Ensemble from New Orleans, Watercolor, 48x36
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

I spent the rest of the abroad not knowing what the hell I was doing still, totally in a muffle because to be honest, I had no clue how I made that thing! You think that’s stupid to say but I had spent all of my young adult life thinking there was only one way to be an artist (sound familiar?) To suddenly turn that around took a great deal of self-confidence and time.

At the end of the semester my professor pulled me aside and asked why he hadn’t seen anymore work like the church I had made? I told him honestly I didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t know if I could recreate that.

Thankfully the next spring semester was a senior project where we could work on art that we wanted to do. That was the semester where I really experimented with my new style. And guess what? I LOVED IT! LOVED IT LOVED IT!

Stonehenge Series, Pastel, 48x36
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

I remember clearly one incident with my good friend (you remember the guy I grew up with in High School that made all those awesome “real-life” scientific drawings?”). My professor came over to his work that day that was very detailed, perfectly drawn with the animals, perspective, beautiful layering of paint, etc. and they discussed very specifically that the palm tree leaves in front needed to “go back further in space.” They were too forward, and need to recede. very specific and very exact.

Then professor came over to me and stood there for a couple seconds, and finally just said “that dark blob there? Looks good! But this area - needs something . . . . a bit more . . . . ” I beamed. Yes! We were FINALLY speaking the same language! Wow!

Stonehenge, Oil on canvas, 8x10
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2005. All Rights Reserved.

My friend immediately sauntered over to what I was working on and just shook his head, “Courageous Kate . . . you have a lot more courage then I do!” hah! I just laughed feeling suddenly very free. No matter how hard he tried, I believed he couldn’t paint like me - I had found some magical recipe only for me!

I found out later from my professor after that semester and it school was over, he confided in me that he actually wanted to create more abstract work like mine (like mine?!?! what the heck?) He said that all of his life he thought “true art” was what he was taught from his master teachers. And he loved it. But later in life he realized he got so bored with it all and never really “got” the abstraction movement that paralleled his life but late in life realized that was the real challenge. And he felt he couldn’t cross that bridge. It was actually too foreign, too scary? I was shocked. He seemed, regretful and almost sad. He congratulated me for doing it and said to keep going.

I look back at this whole experience clearly grateful for it. It was not earth-shattering by any means. And I realize too that with all my frustrations with my professor, at least he recognized something unique in me. Even if he himself didn’t know how to keep bringing it out of me then. He still recognized it and encouraged me to explore that way of painting. That I will never forget.

I give this professor FULL CREDIT and am grateful to him every single day I get into the studio. He taught me the watercolor aesthetic & encouraged me in that moment when I needed it most. It was my own journey, it took quite a while, but this truly was a turning point. I went on to create many more types of paintings in this “new style” - even a set of pastels based on Stonehenge photos I took while I visited the real circle. This series just poured out of me. It was easy, new and I couldn’t get enough of it. Over the years I experimented in oil too - eventually quitting my corporate job to pursue a Masters in the middle of cornfields 4 years later.

to be continued . . . .

_______________________

I originally posted this back in 2015. And this experience below was from 13 years before the post. As I read through it now, I’m over 40 years old, with a much deeper appreciation of my experience with more perspective. I wish I could sit here in stillness, frozen in this moment and go back to these days of constant self-exploration, questioning, journaling and painting. Guess that comes with the “wisdom” of age, by the time we can again spend full days contemplating our creative process, hopefully we can still physically lift a paintbrush! But even now, if I get 30 minutes of precious painting time, it’s a gift. But any extra time like sitting to finish this post, I have to force myself to reflect because all I want to do is take the time to paint.

I look back and am so jealous of my young self - so much TIME to spend on working on this. Today, TIME is barreling past like 130 mph train with no stops and very few “slow” times. I wish I could spend each and everyday in my studio, pushing myself, challenging myself and growing creatively. I know it will always be there for me. I will never question that moment again and now on a mission to help others discover their own inner-artist capabilities.

Creativity is everywhere. Process is everywhere. There never is a destination. Like my professor from years ago, we all have our own fears and insecurities no matter what age. The “wisdom” comes in taking a few moments here and there to practice one’s own creativity. It’s never too late. I now disagree with my old professor, no matter what age you are, you can overcome fear and insecurity and try something new, trust in yourself and be playful, in the moment and free! :D For we all are reflections of the One True Creator - it’s inevitable! All we have to do is believe and try!

Stonehenge, Watercolor, 48x36, Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

Winding down from busy Summer months

These last few weeks have been slowing down - like I’m on a carousel that is finally making those last rotations before it stops. it takes me a while to “recalibrate” back into my studio, and it usually begins with a quiet restlessness. I find myself sitting in my studio first, going through old magazines, cutting images out to paste in my notebooks, sorting, re-organizing and finally cleaning up my studio. Definitely a good fall habit as I start to muse over what inspires me first.

This might take days, weeks or perhaps even a month or two. To transition from the busy, sun-drenched long days of summer with so much intense activity for myself & my three guys (2 boys & a husband. . . .). SO MUCH ACTIVITY. For an introvert, I need SPACE (literally, mentally, emotionally) to press the “pause” button to just “BE.” Usually I would require this frequently, throughout the day or week, but I’ve had to adapt as lots of mothers do, to grabbing minutes, moments every other day/week or month. Lately I’ve been totally engrossed in a series of fantasy-thrilling novels reading on my tiny screen on my phone but even that is blessed time that I am grateful for at night while boys go to sleep.

I LOVE looking through all my material, either books or magazines like I mentioned. I am on the computer all day long for my job as a UX Designer, so I tend to prefer nondigital sources. I look at whatever inspires me - the actual decoration of a plate, a pattern of a curtain, lots and lots of color palettes, wallpaper or textile patterns, professional ocean landscapes, golf photos, magazine layouts etc. And then I know the restlessness is starting to flutter in bigger ripples when I start day-dreaming of color pallets and decorating rooms in my house etc. Or perhaps day-dreaming of buying new clothes in this color or that style, etc. Or even taking out my cook books to begin making notes and tucking the corners of recipes, admiring those beautiful photos of food on a stylized table, etc.

I know deep down that I am not actually going to DO any of these things - travel to Scotland (like I’ve wished all my life), revamp decorating my bedroom, buying new clothes or cooking the 40 recipes that look inspiring in my favorite cookbook.

What I am doing, is igniting the creative process within me. Waking it back up.

It’s like waves, the first are tiniest ripples, then energy is generated stronger then before, I dream and that ignites more moments of inspiration, then it links to other areas of my life and before I know it, I am training my eye to drink in as much color, pattern, line etc. to start to brand it into my conscious brain. In order to paint I must FEEL inspired. But what does that actually mean? What is inspiration? Why does painting have to start with feeling inspired? or does it truly?

Many artists would say they paint even if they don’t feel inspired because it’s the work ethic, it’s showing up every day in the studio to practice and keep practicing (like the piano or basketball) and I certainly respect that when it’s one’s own lifeline, one’s work or career. That is very admirable and impressive.

But I don’t have that luxury or haven’t chosen that life. For me, painting has to be fun, playful and joyful, otherwise in my busy life I would NEVER do it. There’s too many things in my life that are routine, that are what I “have to do,” what’s “expected of me,” what’s “my responsibility,” etc. Painting is for me, and me alone. It’s just a mindset to slip into in a few moments, to try my intuition and see if it works today. Many days it does not but there’s no harm in that, there’s nothing at stake - no one cares. Truly. It’s meditation. It’s faith. It’s being grateful in the moment. It’s . . . . spiritual . . . . for me at least. And ultimately it’s thanking God for momentary creative expression. And then it’s just practice. Over and over and over and over. That’s it.

I get excited because I am “due” for another series of work. It’s time. I’m also excited because there are fun endeavors I hope to accomplish and work on this year. But that will come later.

For now, I’ll just spend a few minutes sitting in my studio. :D

Week 3 - 100 Day Project 2019

Week 3 came and went! I felt this was a fun week with lots of “gardens” inspiring me - spring has finally sprung here in St. Louis, so lots of green, foliage, flowers etc. I’m sure that influenced this work this week.

Day 12 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 13 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

This day (13 above) had to be “worked on” as I kept making decision after decision that was just “OK.” Finally, after adding the dark indigo wash in the background, I turned the entire piece upside down, and it popped! FINALLY. I wrote a post about this in my Instagram feed but, HUGE TIP to all artists: Remember to rotate, rotate, rotate your artworks around and around. Obviously this works for abstraction, but then things start to “charge” and there’s a new energy about them when rotating at the very end. Most often I am completely finished with the painting but I rotate just in case. Often, I find the rotation “finishes” that piece & I love it even more. This was one of those examples where it did come together literally last minute. Otherwise, it was getting busier and busier LOL!

Day 14 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 15 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 16 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Still working a lot with gold paint and gold circles as a motif, experimenting and deciding what’s working and not. There are some of my favorites this week, like the pink one (Day 16 flowed and came together with the mandala in the background). I hope to do more sacred geometry exploring but I have to get ahead with working out the geometry designs because they take time.

Day 17 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

This last day above, (17), was another example of getting too busy! But that’s one of my favorite challenging to work on is taking a preprinted piece of paper or wallpaper, or even fabric (like tablecloths) and start to “black areas out” so the pattern breaks up etc. It’s definitely a designers challenge, what to keep, what to delete basically so that it all can still come together without being overworked. This Day 17 was hair’s breath away from being “overworked.” Luckily I stopped and finalized few decisions before it got too far! :D

With all that being said, it’s important reminder every time to sit down to paint that nothing is set in stone. Every single decision can be changed. Even when you think things are inevitably going down the wrong track. You can never make a mistake. Mistakes can become precious commodities in paintings and to work through, work around or even delete if you want. But that mentality is key to keeping yourself moving forward.

And isn’t that similar to philosophy of life itself?! :D

Week 2 - 100 Day Project 2019

Week 2 has finished & feeling great! Next 5 days are posted here—still working with circles, metallic gold & copper paint (interesting to me), pattern and organic elements.

Day 7 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

It’s so interesting to me and now familiar, that it seems like once I start one of these projects, I “experiment” but I also THINK I’m experimenting and somehow unconsciously revisit some of my motifs, combinations/solutions of previous works etc. It actually feels like I have to “get all of that out” of my system before something brand new for me shows up. And that usually happens around Day 50 it seems.

I expect that same kind of cycle to happen this year but that’s only because I anticipate it after doing this project for 3 full years already. It’s a really poignant reminder that time/progress/life/experience etc. is not linear. It is cyclical.

Day 8 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Artists talk a lot I feel like about being “in the flow” which reminds me of how an athlete might refer to being “in the zone.” And again, it’s a great reminder that the flow comes and goes and to trust that process and what a perfect metaphor for life. Life is not linear. Life is cyclical. And oftentimes lately, I feel like it’s multiple circles going all at the same time.

I posted this on my instagram page for Day 8 because Day 8 & 9 (personally for me) did not feel like I was as “in the flow” as other days.

There’s always a certain “flow” that seems to occur when I first get going in these projects and then I try something new and I feel I overwork a piece. This one def is in that direction for me, some decisions were more “hesitant” but I’ve done this enough times that I recognize the process. I flipped it upside down & here I feel more “magic” is happening for me but some parts still look awkward to me. But that is part of the bargain. That just means forging new territory & again, trusting in ones instincts, practicing and preparing so that the 11th one down the line just “comes out!” - like an athlete “in the zone!”
I tried to post both images but of course Instagram forced both images to be square so it cut off edges of both pieces which is not worth it to me. 
How do you all deal with more awkward results? Forge ahead yes?

As I’m typing this I’m realizing perhaps that’s why I’m into this “circle” motif lately! There’s a lot going on in life, it seems like in all of our modern lives, I feel that when I follow someone on Instagram, read their posts or watch a youtube, most people refer to their lives being so fast in motion, it’s such a challenge to “find time.” That seems to be my mantra. And to make choices at this time in my life that I have to say “no” to all the time because it’s just too much.

I was explaining the other day to my sister (who is 6.5 yrs older then me so she gives me a lot of perspective which so helpful), that during this time in our lives when we are going through our 30’s, we are in the career/job mode, and we have little kids most often during this time now. And it seems like every single thing I do is 1) something I do not want to do 2) something I HAVE to do 3) if it’s something I have to do it’s never at the TIME I would prefer to do it and 4) rarely is it for myself.

Day 9 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

No wonder many people hit 40 and seem to go through a “mid-life crisis!” And I absolutely love and adore my children so that’s not the issue, it’s just a lot of things, like normal generation of moms now who have to work plus be primary caretaker without additional family/community support etc.

This project is a beautiful reminder of choosing something I love to do - even if it’s just 10-15 min a day. And to see the results as a physical painting is rewarding at this time.

So thank you for following me & supporting me with my artwork through past several years. It’s a privilege at this point to sit down to do anything with my artwork. Someday, it will be the primary focus and I will set boundaries like it’s my work.

But for now, I’m very grateful.

Day 1 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

100 Day Project 2019 - Week 1

So the 100 day project is off to a great start! To follow check out #the100dayproject on Instagram - the creative projects are amazing! And it’s anything and everything. My tag is “@KathrynJNeale” if you want to follow me.

My first strategy for the 100 day is always collage. Collage is my favorite “go-to” method for jump-starting any creative project just to get the creative juices flowing. Mainly because it’s fast. I already have a pile of cut-out pieces and different paper etc. from other previous projects that I’ve held onto for years. If you have magazine cutouts, photographs, pretty paper that you’ve kept, this is fabulous for quick collage work.

Originally, I wanted to actually study more sacred geometrical forms and then add them into my artwork for this project. But life is happening (I already missed 3 days of work last week due to oldest being sick then youngest being sick, so we all just have to roll with the punches right?). I hope to start to eventually incorporate those images into my work but for now, I just wanted. to start. Beginning any project is the hardest part.

Day 2 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

So I grabbed my compass thing (forgot what it’s called) and wanted to just start working with the simplest form, a circle. So here are the first 5 days working slowly with the concept of a circle and then collaging some elements into it. I’ve used cut paper, pastel, acrylic paint, chalk paint, and ink and pencil. The newest element that I’ve wanted to start experimenting with is gold and copper paint. So I’m beginning to experiment with these elements.

All artwork will be available in my shop for purchase. Email me if you are interested in a work that I haven’t put into my store yet - katy@kathrynneale.com).

Stay tuned for more coming this week!

Day 3 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 4 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 5 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Process of Making "French Teal" 2018

I thought it might be fun to take one of my new pieces and show the development over last summer that I did, step by step because each painting that I work on goes through a LOT of changes. And I think it’s important to document those changes.

So here’s the first piece I choose from last summer’s works, “French Teal.” (interested in the original or art print? click here).

It certainly has become an integral part of my work as I paint myself, I seem to constantly take photos of my artwork in each stage because it helps me so much to make decisions about the next step. Because I don’t have a big studio by any means (in my basement currently), I cannot “step back” to “see” the entire picture. And the larger I work the harder it becomes to see the big picture.

So photos definitely help me look at the painting in different ways. I can also go back and see all the changes and how far I’ve really come in those decisions. It’s very helpful to my process.

This work above, “French Teal” is one of my new paintings that is relatively large, 30”x30”.

I love to work in a square format since that lends itself to the most opportunities in an abstract sense. I can rotate and rotate and rotate it around and it seems to have more options in the square format. Portrait is vertical, so that lends itself to a “person” feeling. Landscape is horizontal and that also has that “landscape” feel to it. So there’s restrictions or constructs even within the shape that I start with from the very beginning.

My first photo of this piece is this image (even though I thought I had taken a slightly earlier one of this painting right before the white area). These early stages I have been working with stencils in this series of works, so I started with the stencils in the first layer for this piece (instead of adding it much later in other pieces). I also love to use the stencil and “reuse” it and “reuse” it without adding paint. I feel it lends itself to a more abstract and imperfect mark-making process - using the stencil like a brush (which I do a lot in my latest works either a stencil or a stenciled roller etc). The pattern “breaks” up and I’m left with marks as the leftover paint is transferred back on the surface on top of each other etc.

There’s a lot of steps I skipped actually (sometimes I take photos of each layer) but between the first photo and this photo, I already “decided” what I was going to do. A Lot of times I take photos when I’m not sure what my next step might be & the photos help me visualize.

So I took couple different stencil motifs to weave in together the stencil patterns and (what I call) “freestyle painting” which is my organic, abstract mark-making painterly marks.

After adding more organic elements, I decided to jump in and create that white” space because the blue was already getting a little “heavy” to me. But in this next step, you can see that I did not want to create a sharp separation of one big white area layering on top of the teal blue area full of organic elements. I have already explored that strategy quite extensively in my Window Series & Tablecloth Series in my graduate work.

Here I start to “blend” and layer on the white stenciled work into to build multiple layers of teal and white to unify the entire piece.

I also wanted to build layers within the white space itself. So there’s starting to be a bridge between those 2 spaces in this piece.

As you can see, each photo can be rotated into a different view which also helps me as I work through the painting process. Here, I added some purple wash to create a little more dimension. White is a very “forward” color that “pops” out. It also can create a kind of blank feel and one of my favorite tendencies in painting is to always find how I can create more texture into my work. Building the wash organically pulls some white elements forward naturally and pushed them also back into space with the wash.

Another view as I added darker purple areas to the piece. I tend to take more photos of each layer as I know the piece is starting to be finished. I say this all the time in my process, but the beginning is bursting with all sorts of decisions, 100’s even that feels very freeing (sometimes intimidating) but hardly anything can go “wrong” in that space. There’s really no mistakes.

As the piece moves toward feeling more and more finished, each decision is more weighted for me. Any decision can completely change the balance of the piece and it will either “finish” it for me, or make it so that I see the next one or two steps to work towards finishing.

The end of the piece is a constant balance of testing a few marks or decision or whatever, and stepping back to see how it feels and fits into the total. And then leaving it for few days or perhaps weeks, to see if it “sits” well.

“French Teal,” acrylic, chalk paint on canvas, 30”x30”, 2018.
Copyright All Rights Reserved Kathryn Neale Studio.

And finally the finished piece. After I added couple organic washes of “copper” to pop few areas and then also added some pure white patterned motif in the “white” area for added layering

Tip 1 - Paint Ugly Paintings (10 Tips to Jump-start Your Abstract Paintings)

Friends often ask me how they might start painting abstract because it feels so intimidating to them. I started to think back to my art experience and found that I have 10 tips to help jump start any 2D creative abstract project. Here is Tip 1 out of 10 for "How to Jump Start Abstract Paintings Practice."

Whenever I introduce myself as an artist, an abstract painter, most people's eyebrows go up. Some folks are intrigued while others are intimidated. And they may follow up with a question if they are interested in what abstract style but for the better majority, they nod and exclaim how "cool" or "interesting" that is.

If they are familiar with art or artists themselves, they might ask "What medium do you work with?"

I get it. I totally do. It took me almost a decade out of college to declare myself an artist, let alone an "abstract painter." I've been there and thought many of the same self-limiting beliefs as most people when they are faced with any other creative person in their life. I could never do that!

We simply say, "well that's so cool... but I could never do that!" "I'm not creative," or "I tried art but was so bad at it." Or I could "never do what you do," or even "I love art and painting and drawing, but I could never do abstract."

I do the exact same thing too actually. Like my son's teacher confiding to me that she loves baking cakes and in fact, last weekend, she completed a wedding cake for her niece. I saw the photo. It was Martha Stewart worthy. AMAZING.

I could never do that.

BUT, I started the exact same way with painting. And what was interesting to me was way back when after college, I had sensibly declared myself a graphic design major so that it would be practical and useful. I had a corporate job in a commercial real estate company downtown in Chicago, creating brochures, fliers and proposals for the brokers.

But I started dreaming of painting in an abstract style.

I could draw from my lessons as a kid, and I sensed that I might be able to make that jump into total abstraction but I didn't know how to get there.

It wasn't until I was on my first day of graduate school, in my masters program at Eastern Illinois University, that my professor gave me the strategy I didn't know I needed, to help me make the jump.

My very first “ugly” painting circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

Paint ugly paintings.

What?

Yes, it's that simple: paint the ugliest painting you could imagine.

First off, I do want to be clear that this is NOT subject matter. This is still "abstract." It's not vulgarity that is liberating it frees oneself from constantly thinking that this "has to be beautiful" in order for it to be a legit painting, especially an abstract painting.

Abstract painting is relatively brand-new within the context of our entire human history of making art. But for our generation, abstract painting has been around actually a long time, most of us, established before we were born.

Looking back to my first day in art school, I realized this was a brilliant strategy. As a novice painter, this simple exercise challenged everything about what I thought was "beautiful." Beauty is such an enormous philosophical subject that could be argued, has been the debate since the time of the Greeks, who were the first to classify what is and what is not beautiful (especially in the West). It can also be argued that the notion of beauty, what is beautiful, is subjective. But I would fervently argue that we, both men and women, have inherent constructs of beauty, expectations and standards ingrained in us from culture and society, and most of them we don't even think about or challenge what definitions of beauty we are thinking about and why.

This exercise breaks down that internal rhetoric and gives permission to set aside those thoughts like "is this pretty or beautiful? Or this "doesn't look right," and instead allows us to freely explore abstract elements in their most formal aspects.

I have found that every single painting that I work on, currently and in the past, stem from this simple dialogue with myself, where I'm feeling that most of my paintings are in "Ugly Duckling Phase," 90% of the time until the very end.

It's actually simple to flip an ugly painting into a nicer "pleasing-looking" one. The challenge is making an ugly one in the first place so that there's a lot of interesting things happening in that painting to keep our interest.

But this is also about mindset. There are no expectations. There's no one giving you a subject matter to copy from or for you to know even where you are going with certain elements. If it's ugly, that's the point!

And... ANYONE can do this. Anyone can make an ugly painting. My seventh-month old technically can make an "ugly" painting. And for sure some of my favorite paintings are when my oldest son was two years old. He grabbed paint brushes and smeared paint on the paper with abandoned curiosity and a ferocious confidence. And of course, the result is that I have found tremendous beauty in those pieces.

In process painting, circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

So a few tips for painting "ugly:"

1. Permission. Give yourself permission to paint the ugliest thing you've ever seen. This is your chance to not care about what anyone else thinks. Not even care what you think! Give yourself permission to jump in and simply not think at all, just react and go with your impulses.

2. No right way. The worst mindset you can have is to think there is only a "right way" to paint. This style of abstract painting is often called "freestyle" or "intuitive painting." The ugly part gives your mind a break. It gives you 100% permission to try everything just to see if it works. If not, then it works as an "ugly" part of your painting. The decisions you make are more aligned with your intuition than your head. And for most of this process, we definitely want to stay in the intuitive part of the brain, not the critical part (there's a time and a place for that but it's not now!)

3. FREEDOM! This style of painting is MESSY. I will say over and over if you are uncomfortable, you are on the right path! I’ve also found that 90% of working on a painting through its various stages is plain “UGLY.” I once had my graduate professor exclaim that every time she came into my studio she thought I was working on the ugliest stuff, but then all of a sudden she would see it comes together in the last stages and is actually aesthetically pleasing. And this was her way of complimenting me!

4. No mistakes. Remember, this is just a painting. You can paint OVER IT. And OVER IT. And OVER IT AGAIN. I know you won't believe me but there really are no mistakes in painting.

5. Private vs public. Also remember, NO ONE HAS TO SEE THIS. This just for you. (Unless you want to). No one cares. Like AT ALL. No one even knows you're painting an ugly painting! So give yourself a break! And don't expect a masterpiece.

6. Ugly color. For this exercise, you have permission not to care about color. Color is perhaps the #1 strategy for creating "beauty" or "dissonance" and because most normal people are not aware of the simple rules of color schemes, they will dislike their painting or their room color simply because of the color, and not some of the other elements. But for this exercise, don’t care about colors schemes, mix to your heart’s content but make sure you apply plenty of paint to the canvas. Don’t worry about if the paint is transparent or opaque, acrylic, oil, watercolor, if you use pencil, pastel or graphite, or cut up paper or photos to glue. It can totally be mixed media. And it can certainly (and will inevitably) turn brown and yucky like my two-year old's paintings. Just embrace it all and imagine yourself as a two-year old yourself, simply being in the moment not caring one bit about anything else.

7. EXPERIMENT — Be PHYSICAL (whip the paint around, pool it, soak it, blot it, sponge it, throw paint at the canvas or other surfaces, scrap it, dig into it, mix it with leaves, dirt, different mediums whatever. This stage is WHO "F" CARES! There’s no one here at all to care what you are doing. Remind yourself there's "no right way" to do anything! Experiment with different brushes - huge, medium, tiny. Experiment with the bottom of the brush or sides of the can. Notice how you hold brushes or knives in your hand. Try your less dominant hand. Try flipping brushes around, holding close to the end, or in the middle. Throw paint from your brush. Use knives to scrap and smear. Use anything to “stamp” different patterns like bottoms of cans or bottles, etc. Try stencils, cut up wrapping paper, paint on tissue paper, primed and un-primed canvas or linen. There’s 100’s of ideas, just start DOING.

8. Move it - physically move it from the wall to the floor while adding layers. Rotate it 90 degree. Paint a layer. Rotate 90 degrees again and then paint a layer.

9. No Rules. There are no rules!! — try to keep turning off your brain if it says “This isn’t right! This looks horrible! Am I doing this right? Ick! I don’t like that ...” Try to act on your impulses and trust this is just practice.

10. Timed sessions. If you're stuck, then time yourself for 5, 10, 15 or even 30 min force yourself to stop. Wait for layers to dry. Then time yourself another 15-20 minutes, stop, wait for layers to dry. Do this 5x (30 minutes each). Take pictures within each stage. Notice how much change the painting goes through in each of those layers.

Finally, end it — don’t fool yourself that this is a “masterpiece!” No one needs to see this, ever. No one even knows your doing it if you don’t tell them. When it all dries you can paint over the entire thing and start over.

But you have to END the piece, so I recommend the exercise of ending after 5 layers. If you feel like you need more than of course by all means keep going! But at some point stop and start another piece.

In process painting, circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

Congratulate yourself! Step back and notice if new effects or unexpected “mistakes” that you didn’t intend happen, and that you really like. Get past the awful color combos and weird looking shapes. It doesn’t matter right now! But that “stuff” that was accidental means in that moment, you let go of your brain and acted intuitively.

That is what we want more of, and that is the essence of this "freestyle" abstract painting.

Hopefully this one exercise lets you give yourself permission to play and not care at all what the end results looks like. This gives you permission to be in the process of painting itself instead of worrying if it's "right," or "beautiful" or following any expectations that you didn't even know you might have had on yourself.

Some people might totally embrace this style of free-flowing expression, and feel it's very natural to tune into one's own intuition to make decisions in the moment. For others, this might totally freak them out.

That's totally OK. I hope you felt and saw glimpses of yourself letting go, being in the moment and being open to not knowing what the end result will look like. Also, learning to be aware of the feeling of being uncomfortable with the process. It’s OK. You will get better at it I promise. It's called "practicing" for a reason. You are not required to create a masterpiece.

And finally, I hope you enjoyed the unexpected thrill when something you didn’t plan happened, and it ended up being an interesting effect, color combo or cool texture. Those are the highlights of the exercise to take with you as you start your next painting and then... your next!

In process painting, circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

If you would like more resources, here is a simple audio of a guided meditation to help you to think like a kid again and enjoy the process of painting!

And here are links to my 100 Day projects where each exercise I'm visually experimenting, practicing and trying to follow my intuitive, creative inner guide. Some work and some very much don't. But I have uploaded all of it to show the process.

Trip Down Memory Lane

Stumbled on my old art journals tonight–especially the big one that took me all the way through my MFA program.

It’s interesting. I’m still processing, not sure how I feel when I look through these pages. Endless scribbles, notes, half-written journal entires, notes from critiques, names of artists & movements, and lists and lists of fragmented ideas. It’s impressive! So many ideas!

I’m just now (as I approach my 38th trip around the sun) truly delving into one of my greatest strengths from that Briggs-Myers personality test, trying to understand it better and see it for what is really is: a strength. It is called “IDEATION.”

Ideation is defined in this context by people who are “fascinated by ideas.” Folks who are able to “find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena,” and “relish free-thinking experiences such as brainstorming and discussion groups.”

I’ve always vaguely been aware that for some reason I love to sit down with a good friend and chat for hours on . . . well. . . anything and everything. And when a particular conversation is enlightening or provides more profound insights, I walk away completely energized and free.

But I honestly thought that was just fun. And that everyone does this!

I didn’t realize how much I would miss that part of me and that it actually needs be consistently nourished if it doesn’t just happen naturally in my environment. Until relatively recently, looking back at this unique experience, such as going through my Masters program, it was such an intensely intellectual period of my life. These pages were written well over 9 years ago now, and tonight as I flip through them, I’m . . . amazed?

Who IS this girl? For sure I feel a rush of memories assail me, flooding back as if I was sitting in those critiques, jotting down notes in lectures, gathering interesting information in the library and trying to reflect on my process in the studio. All essential things to be doing during the program.

But it seems so far away now. As I flip through reading bullet points and messy scribbles of hard to read handwriting, it was like I couldn’t capture the ideas fast enough.

And that’s exactly what I remember. The feeling of utter frustration that while I had access to all these juicy ideas either from material I read or the professors themselves, at the same time, I was completely over-stimulated and bombarded constantly. I had almost no time to process, digest, shift through, pause, absorb or reflect.

I loved the intellectual stimulation though, and even in that arena at that time I was aware at how unique that academic experience provides. But as I came back down from that experience of being constantly overstuffed and overfed to . . . nothing after graduation, it was quite a shock. Back to the real world where obligations of work and family were once again the priority. I had a reprieve but because my husband had little interest in the world that I was consumed in for over two years, it felt very isolating and lonely.

No wonder I failed to engage back into routine life.

Fast forward to today, almost a decade after this journal was written, I look through it with a completely new perspective. Perhaps this is good timing. I am a totally different person now. I am also very much detached from the experience, I would say in a healthy way. Perhaps it is time to revisit and re-engage with some of these ideas, make them my own and internalize them.

The total wilderness of constant info, prompted responses, reflections, insight and just plain thrashing of your artwork and the constant demand to defend it in your own right, completely took a tole on my emotional and intellectual psyche. What was actually me, what did I actually think? What did I believe? Why did I believe it?

In the end, the experience completely intellectualized the entire creative process. This is not abnormal when trying to fit any creative and innovative thinking into some kind of structure, and academia certainly one of the most challenging areas simply because how can you “grade” a piece of artwork?

That is why I do remember people advised me not to go back to MFA program and just keep painting. But a part of me wanted this intellectual stimulus that jolted me out of my everyday life and exposed me to so many new ideas. But, at what cost?

There certainly is a place for critical thinking in art. But, as I’ve come to work on my own again, for me, that place is after the art has been created. When I’m in the middle of creating, it’s in my opinion, that’s when the critical thinking part of our brains need to be turned OFF and the gut and intuitive decisions need to be turned ON.

I’m amazed I have a complete record written down in front of me that I can just jump back in a flip through - like a time warp. It is now, thankfully, stripped of all that EGO (mine & the professors), all the ulterior motives and selfish guiding instead of heart-felt mentoring.

Sadly, that’s what I most remember being particularly painful at the end. I made it through this rigorous experience but I still had very little trust that the instructors truly had my overall well being in mind. My creative journey, my art, was an instrument for their personal ego to manifest whatever intentions or motivations they deemed the “best.” I’ve never been before or since then, around such brazen ego in my life!

And as much as I truly wanted to respect them and their work, most often, I was face-to-face with some really nasty and pettish people! People that I did not even like or would want to be around or get to know in my normal life. The politics to me were unbelievable and it wasn’t even in a top #1 program like Yale!

So perhaps it is time. Time to bury the negative and look for the gems of the positive in my journals. Gleam any nuggets of information or insight that might be valuable to me here and now. Honoring the freedom of brainstorming and thinking of new ideas and how that makes me feel - stimulating, energizing, life-giving.

But above all, the entire experience once again reminds me that any person, (but especially artists), ultimately we must all listen to our own inner voice. If our motivations are true, then our hearts will align with our Higher Purpose and listening to our voice is the only way to move forward. And this apply to all great artists - whatever art you are creating in your daily life!

In the Studio: Creating "Rose"

In this short series I would like to share my process about creating my paintings. I hope to demystify the process of creating the piece of art and show that for me, it really doesn’t “come together” until the very end. And again for me in my process, the trust to stick to it and just take each step one at a time, is what I love about it because it really is a “process.”

For “Untitled Rose,” this series is a bit unique because the works on raw linen are a continuation of my other linen series from 2015-2016 (click here).

Most often I like to work on a lot of paintings at the same time and start to “bring them all up” at similar times. This way it is very easy for me to experiment and try different motifs or themes or mark-making or color schemes, and if I like them and just want to keep going in that direction, I feel a lot of freedom to transfer those same elements to each piece as I move through all of them. Then a certain number of them will be worked on together and then they will eventually be finished.

Then others of that series will have to “sit and wait their turn” so-to-speak.

In this situation, life happened. All last year (2017-2018) I was pregnant and then paused to have and take care of our second son. Then, as many women can relate, once my body had physically, emotionally and energetically finished creating a human being, I had a BURST of creative energy left to direct toward painting. Again, the overarching theme of all my work is, I just have to trust the entire process.

So with this series, these unfinished raw linen pieces were supposed to be worked on and finished to include in 2016. But they sat there with only a few layers on them.

I tried to look back into my photo archives to show what they looked like (pretty bare) before the stencils were layered (above photo). But I couldn’t find them.

The above photo shows the floral stencils in ivory chalk paint that I got excited about in this entire new series. This is my first piece that I took those stencils and had fun with. As you can see my latest series expands on that motif over and over again.

Then I needed to create some more depth, so the added “maroon” blobs, and even pushed further to add the dark gray areas. Then it needed a bit of an “accent” so I added the periwinkle areas.

Part of the painting needed to get covered up so that the rest of the painting could shine and come forward and be “special.” This process is forever a delicate balance of what to keep and what to let go. In every single painting. It’s the same process. And it all comes down to decisions, decisions, decisions. And not being afraid to loose certain parts of the painting you might really like, because what you gain could be better then you could’ve imagined.

Sounds a bit like life yes? Yes. As I write this, I'm reminded that perhaps this is WHY I want to write out my process and share. Simply because the intuitive wisdom that I’ve learned to practice in my paintings, is exactly what I need to hear and read and internalize for my life.

For many of my paintings, there’s no “right” way to orient them. Some are better then others. And during the painting process I will rotate the paintings around - looking at them on the floor, on the wall and finally even using photos on my iphone (which helps tremendously for my process). This painting stayed with the darker side anchored on the lower right. It just kept coming back to that so I finally gave in.

And for the final layering, the darker blobs were getting pretty stark. I was not sure what to add. I had experimented with the stencils, washing the light pink over parts of them or like the bottom right, washes of light green/blue to add variety and not just make them “stencils” on the surface. These layers needed to weave “in and out” of each other over and over. Like a mess of real branches or floral attributes.

Finally I had the impulse to flick watered chalk paint spontaneously in a spray of droplets. And that half second decision finalized the piece.

In the Studio: Getting into a Routine

my studio - 9.18.18 (always have to have a movie on! My favorites are BBC British TV or PBS Masterpiece Classic . . . and Outlander of course!)

Routine is a funny thing. As an artist, inherently I battle against it, not wanting to get into anything “strict” because it feels too structured for me. It’s too restrictive and downright leads to boredom, and then dangerously, to depression.

For me, flexibility of an unstructured day breathes freedom into my life. The choice to make decisions based on how I feel and what I feel like doing, and when, is my ultimate goal. For me, it equates to a positive outlook of my day and overall, I feel grateful for the quality of life each day. It also allows for spontaneity and synchronicity to flow much easier, something that I continually search for in my creative process.

But at this time in my life, having no routine or schedule is just frankly, not an option. Having two kids and being married comes with all the stresses of our everyday life.

I’m a full-time working mom, with a new baby son, born in April, and already a mama to almost 5 year old son now. My baby son was born in April and my maternity leave ended in the beginning of June. With going back to work, and then flying to Denver and then Boston to see family for vacation, it’s been quite a busy but exciting summer. It has also been quite a “let down,” to say the least, this fall.

my studio - 9.18.18

My husband also works full time and is continuing his education online getting (another) Masters as well. This past summer he took four months off from his studying and it turned out be a blast. We spent so much time every weekend at the pool and then also at the golf range or riding around in a golf cart. The days were beautiful, bright and just FUN. But it truly felt like we were on this speed train flying through the countryside, hardly having a moment to take a breath, and we blinked, and it is September!

Wait, where the hell did summer go?

In the midst of all this chaos (and still trying to get few hours of sleep at night with a young baby) throughout the summer, it became apparent that instead of focusing on the 100 day project (which I usually have found extremely inspiring for me), I found myself ready and excited to start a new series of works. Yeah! Which is great because that’s what the 100 day project actually helps ignite for myself anyway - just doing something that gets the creative juices going.

my studio - 9.18.18 (baby Trey taking a nappie)

I’ve been way overdue for a new series of works (my latest completed in 2016), so it’s been percolating for some time now. And out of all the mandated routines and schedules of summer camp, daycare, and full weekend days enjoying much needed “family time,” I somehow ended up finding “extra” time here and there to go down into our basement where my studio is, just to paint.

It started with small increments here and there. I have 15 minutes, I’ll put a layer on this painting. Another night I’ll have 30 minutes so I’ll do a couple layers with 3 paintings. I have small paintings, medium and larger paintings. I just continued to layer and layer and layer. One night at a time. Or one afternoon here or there.

The week before my maternity was up, my husband “gifted” me another week of delaying work allowing me some much needed “me” time while it was the first week for our baby boy to go to full-time daycare. So I was home alone during the day. And two days I actually spent three hours each day to paint. It was blissful! And it pushed me ahead in several larger paintings which I could actually see some progress.

Now that I have a second to breathe and reflect why this is still happening, since September is ending, I am proud of myself to say that I’m still doing this! I’ve completed several paintings of the series (see here), but I’m still only half way through. Why am I still doing this?

my studio - 9.18.18

I ask myself because I usually do not like to work this way - with a LOT of things in my life. I usually prefer to be “project-based” where different projects come my way and there’s a beginning, middle and end. And it may be intense for a couple weeks or a day or two but then the push is over. And then other times it might be slower and quiet. But I thrive on this kind of pace. It feels cyclical and manageable, and exciting and interesting.

Doing things little by little in “chunks” is not something I inherently find enjoyment in - mainly because I think BIG, I’m a dreamer. That comes with advantages but also weaknesses. I dream up all these possibilities and it’s so fun in my mind, then I come down to earth and it’s tough to start the nitty-gritty. Needless to say I start 100’s of things and have a challenge finishing them.

And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve read so much about this is how a lot of people get their business online going in the midst of their everyday life. Just the compound effect fact, little by little, doing it over time is way more effective and sustainable then jumping in with high expectations and finding yourself quitting before even barely started. Certainly can be that way with diets and exercise.

For me, it’s the “inevitability,” the scheduling that everything is the same over and over each day . . . forever, that kills me. (My husband, The Accountant, thrives on these mini-routines, makes him feel secure and safe). I feel suffocated because my life is now mapped out in front of me. I feel like I loose control.

my studio - 9.18.18 (Grant playing)

But THIS IS WORKING for me! And I can hardly believe it. I attribue a lot to my 5 year old son, right now. Because he wants to be in the same room as I am while he’s playing, and the simple practicality helps in that we’ve set up his playroom in the basement next to where I work. As long as I am putting on one of my favorite BBC British TV series and working near or around my desk, Grant is so happy and content to play near me. Trey (our baby boy), benefits too. He has several “spots” that I can now put him in for 10 minutes here or there, or often, he takes a nap by the heater on the floor.

In this way, the consistency of just being home, having 30 minutes or an hour to kill before bedtime has been immensely helpful for me. I feel such accomplishment! I also find consistency - just looking at my artwork each night allows me to think on it all the next day, to visualize and test out what I could do there or there to take it 1 step further.

Yes, my dream would be to have designated studio days to paint all day long. But for right now, this is working because I’ve chosen to have a family, and a life outside of just being a painter. And I love that and accept it but also need to allow myself to breathe and not make such high, unrealistic demands about it.

As I get older I do find comfort in knowing that I will be doing this for the rest of my life - painting is not something that I will ever stop. So in that way, I will always circle back to it.

And on the flip side, in a life right now that seems very restrictive in a way that I struggle daily with the structure, routine and the “should do’s” that aren’t fun, as long as I have these couple minutes to be creative, I find I am happy with myself. I am grateful for my life.

Day 10 & Process

 

This one I took the painter's tape from Day 9 and started with it almost as a monolith in the left part of the piece. Very quickly the piece took on a more "landscape" feel.

More often then not I surprise myself what comes out. This was an exquisite "perfect" day here in St. Louis with 75 degrees, bright sun and no clouds in site, but I guess I felt dark and moody.

Day 9 (& Process)

 

This piece was fun cause I had an idea to start take teal paint and literally "block" it out with painter's blue tape to preserve this square and paint over it. After a few layers I took it off to reveal the teal paint and then started working around it. Oftentimes, I work in a certain way - if notice the orientation of the piece is that the teal box is upper left, and then when I end or at the very last minute of finishing, I flip it around and it's more interesting another way (the final is that the teal box is lower/right area of the painting).

I also remember feeling that this one I had an idea of inspiration but literally throughout 98% of the piece I kept thinking "this is crap!" But you have to have faith and this process of trying to get out a piece in 20 minutes really accentuates the faith part. Last decisions of take a tube of bright cadmium red and blotting it like a tool creating those circles at least pulled the piece together enough to feel finished for me.

Day 3, 4 & 5

Totally not following my initial intentions AT ALL. I've already gotten little bored and wanting to stretch myself a bit - these are interesting  - ESP the last one. Felt very BOLD to just paint on the dark, dark blue-almost-black blob and then go from there. It's working I think but still kind of feels awkward. I'm always reminded when I now remember doing these paintings in only 20 minutes - that there is such an awkwardness and for sure 90-95% of the way through the painting (which means about 15 minute mark), I'm thinking - "This is crap!" And then I have to just push my analytical mind out to rush to make small changes here, then there, and then timer goes off and it's ok - it actually looks finished.

This process is SO different from making a real, much larger painting. You have time. You have all the time in the world that you want! And you can just "let it cook" so to speak. And of course I feel that a lot of the time the process of painting feels super awkward and I trust that. But these 20 minute paintings really accentuate that of course because I don't have time and I am not allowing myself to come back to the painting - which I can do for any of my other stuff.

And this is great to remind myself how this feels for a newbie. The reassurance that you are actually on the right path if you feel awkward is so important. It means you are stretching, you are growing and trying new things.

One part of me is a bit frustrated with myself that I'm just NOT working withing my "series" mentality which I thought I would be. But the other part of me just reminds myself to chill. I realistically haven't painted in a couple months. Getting back into it and then perhaps later I will make a "series" for myself. Who knows. We have a while here - 95 more days left!

How to make your own abstract Christmas cards (or work in a series of small works)

Christmas Cards 2015 from Kathryn Neale on Vimeo.

Christmas has come and gone! Wow! What a rush!

I did manage to sneak some time in (not sure how) to make about 36 Christmas cards to send to my friends and family this year. Hence the video above I actually figured out a way to tape myself with my iPhone! And it all didn't turn out to be a disaster which can definitely happen quickly if you don't really plan. Found myself thinking about making these things, ordered the stamps and the wasabi tape and when they came it was that moment of . . . "am I really going to do this?" I'm so glad I did! It was so much fun. And it was a joy to have some kind of excuse to do a little painting - which I haven't done in a few months (I always go in and out of bursts of painting energy).

So I thought I would share my thoughts on the project and how you can make your own Christmas cards - OR any kind of small series of works. I realize that there is a sort of method to the madness - especially when you're working very fast, and very small and using similar media elements and layers, I realize there are some "rules" to apply to that make it look like a cohesive series but not all look exactly the same. Each Christmas card is unique. But they all have similar elements or layers that I used and by the end I got really good at varying the beginning of each set of layers but always stuck to the last 2-3 layers by choice. And there are reasons behind all of that.

So first, let me introduce my supplies and materials.

1. Choose things that inspire and in this case, are quick and easy for you to apply. For example, for some reason lately I really like Christmas stamps! I'm starting to collect several kinds over the years - 1 is the large design of snowflakes that are just quite beautiful but also very versatile. You can always incorporate snowflakes!

2. In this case, having fun but being QUICK is also a factor. I didn't want to "labor" over these things so I needed to make more of a collage then an actually all out painting. For heavens' sake just making about 34 was enough! :) So choosing this super cute set of Christmas stamps (very small because my cards are small) was also a plus. I didn't have to use all of them - actually I only ended up using about 6 different ones, but it still created a cohesive look using 2 or 3 for each card. One of them (the ornament) I ended up using in all of them as a main layer because I liked the look of them "hanging" from my tree. But more on that later down in the explanation of each layer.

3. Color. Color is very important. Try to use a color palette of 2 or 4 colors. More than that really does make it over the top for the viewer. I limited my color palette with my stamp ink - light blue, red and gold.

4. And wasabi tape also introduces "POP" of color and maybe even more important, PATTERN to infuse a little Christmas atmosphere and also a graphic element. Wasabi tape is used mostly as an "accent" to the piece.

5. An off-white 4x6 card from Paper Source provided the perfect back-drop. I wanted off-white because I subtly wanted the "white" from the gesso and paint to show and not completely blend into the background.

6. Finally, gesso paint that's bright white, and fluid iridescent white pearl paint (in liquid acrylic and solid acrylic) so that I could add a little texture of abstract "snowy" elements. This is a perfect opportunity to use an iridescent paint that almost "glitters" in a way because it even more reflects the light like so many decorations this time of year.

I must add that these choices were completely intuitive. As I write them I am analyzing them with my "left brain" and each one makes sense why I would use these materials. The gold ink palelette was brand new choice for me, I usually don't like gold or am attractive to that color but it worked quite well with the other bright elements of the card.

TIP: Use again what inspires you. It could be Christmas tags, stickers, old wrapping paper elements that you can cut up and use. Parts of magazines or old books that have been torn away. Anything that is graphic--inspired, patterned or particular nostalgic is perfect for Christmas card themes. But again, try to keep it to 1-2 graphic element, 1-3 painterly media, perhaps 2-3 stamps or 2-3 drawing media. The variety comes in putting it all together because each card will end up being different and unique.

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THE PROCESS:

Tip #1 - Try to use about 8-10 layers at most with such a little space as this. They need to be a variety of materials/media and color. Use what INSPIRES you to HAVE FUN!d o

BREAKDOWN OF MY LAYERS:

1. Light-Blue snowflakes
2. Wasabi Tape
3. Silhouette of abstracted tree (line quality)

4. Red stamps of either candy-cane, santa face, wreath, basic image of christmas 5. Gold ornament stamp

6. Red berry stamp

7. White gesso 8. Iridescent white liquid acrylic 9. Iridescent white solid acrylic

** Of course while I was taking these pictures I suddenly blanked and forgot the red berry (GASP!) that I usually put in about the middle before some of the stamps and definitely before the white paint at the end. that's OK though! See example below though where the "red berry" stamp is DEFINITELY ON TOP of the white paint layers but that's totally ok. It's just a slightly different effect then the one below it where it's "behind."

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MY PROCESS:

1. Snowflake layering - notice that I vary how I put the stamp on the page, sometimes lining up with the entire stamp to cover most of the page, sometimes not. Notice that not all the "snowflakes" come out perfectly. But that's what I love - VARIATION.
2. Wasabi tape - that's one of the most fun parts of these cards I think because it really brings a lot of the piece. Some of the tape is bright red, some designs, sometimes gold pattern, other times even green (although I limited the green because that can get obnoxious if used too much with this palette because I wanted to keep things pretty limited). Sometimes I used smaller "accent" pieces and sometimes used a couple different patterns/colors. Other times I ended up using a larger "strip" of tape used as a major focal point. That tape can contribute to the "tree silhouette" coming later or also counterbalance it. But it was fun to use the tape because it's very graphic and very strong piece of design.
3. Tree silhouette - This is part of the piece that really anchors each one, otherwise the pieces of tape and the little "stamps"  of Christmas designs would just be out there floating. The tree also lends itself to a very organic element of design, we can all identify quickly with what I'm trying to depict without getting too specific. It also is fun because it adds a "hand-element" or painterly aspect which I very  much like.
4. Red Berry - is definitely an accent graphic. I love the graphic because it's detailed and nostalgic. But I really like how I could use it to blend into the tree or rotate it around - mostly at a diagonal if you notice. It gives a lot of movement and again an accent without being too "loud" and in your face.
5. More little stamps were fun to interchange in between all the layers and it depended on which stamps because like the Santa Face, that's very identifiable. So I didn't want to overuse it (I'm still at heart an abstract painter!). But those are fun little accent and "surprises" for the viewer and also keep in mind the over all "shape" of the stamp. A "candy-cane" is different then the wreath which is a circle, etc.
6. The ornament stamp was fun because it brought the gold ink into the piece rather nicely. It plays a supportive role but enhances the idea that the tree has ornaments without being too literal. But the gold really helps keep a "neutral" in the midst of all that bright color etc and then also can unify the piece, and play another supportive role if the wasabi tape is gold too.
7. White gesso - Used this in "blobs" to kind of mimic snow. I didn't want to overdue it thought because gesso is opaque and it would just block out whatever is beneath it. But because it's pure white, it was fun to use as a starting point for now.
8. Iridescent white liquid acrylic paint is fun for "blotting" or "flicking" the paint brush to make much smaller droplets of paint and since it's iridescent it reflects the light.
9. Iridescent white solid acrylic paint was my second favorite layer because I accidentally just started playing with "stamping" the tube of paint, using it totally as a stamp and out came these cool circles/semi-circles and created a really fun overall texture to each piece.

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Tip #2 - HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN, HAVE FUN! Don't get too worked up about when you put this or where or if you (heaven forbid!) missed a step etc.  You  might want to practice 1-4 cards at the beginning to experiment freely and get your rhythm what you are going to do. At the end, "stamping" a tube of the iridescent white solid acrylic paint worked so well for about 25 of the cards and then that last 9 or so, the paint start to wear out and the "bubble" that inevitably had made this cool "circle stamp" that was totally organic and free suddenly started plopping out GOBS of paint. You just worked with it. I dabbled some of it back up with a paper towel and other times just using a brush to "paint" back in some marks that didn't have anything to do with anything. But it was fine. Not what I wanted intentionally because the first time I picked up the tube of paint I excitedly stumbled on this cool texture by accident. But also, this kind of accident not totally worth welcoming but you have to sometimes make work what are "real" accidents and not just happy ones that you delight in. It's all part of the process and it's all part of "LETTING GO."

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See the final 36 pieces here in the gallery.

Can't believe it's November!

It's amazing to think it's already November and the holidays are right around the corner. Literally. . .

But with this "turning the corner" here, I've committed myself to taking one more small step in my dream of making it on my own as an artist. And in this day and age, one way is to start your own online store. And I'm not sure why it has taken me this long to take the step but it at this moment, it actually feels quite courageous.

I've picked a couple of pieces of artwork that span almost a decade of work, all of these artworks are very special to me. It's definitely a weird, very weird, relationship - making art. I'm not sure if it's the same as composing music because at least you can always play the same piece or sing it, even if it's different in the moment etc. But it's yours, always. But a piece of artwork comes out and there's an "ending" to it. And then you have to detach and just let it be.

And then another weird aspect of it, is that someone wishes to buy your art and that's kind of weird too - in a wonderful way. But then you suddenly feel the attachment back, knowing you will never see this piece in person again.

But in the end, I still have a lot of pieces that represent a lot of different styles in the past several years and it's more then exciting, it's thrilling to think that some would find homes, to be admired instead of stored away in my basement studio. To think that they might bring some joy into someone's house for years to come, is quite special.

So perhaps this might be good timing to launch since it's the season of gift-giving, perhaps a loved-one would like to own an original piece of art, and I think that's pretty cool.

So without further ado, I submit my store to the world! Launching 20 artworks so far to start, all 40% till December 1st. Please share with anyone you might think would be interested. I also have lots of artwork in similar series still available so if there is something that is in my website but not in the store, please email me for available and price (all pre-2015 work is on sale 40% off) - shipping varies according to piece - katy[at]kathrynneale.com.

http://kathrynnealestudio.bigcartel.com/

You talk about courage and in the light of day it seems prosperous that I would be "nervous" to put my artwork out there. But in the middle of the night, this small step seems tentative but takes courage. Where will these pieces go and who will buy them? It's exciting to find out. Thank you again for all the support! Email me if you need more photos of any piece, etc.

Watery paint accident made better

So as I was working on my painting, I was not paying attention and sat my jar of water on top of the painting while I was looking at another area. When I looked up I realized all my watery paint had pooled around my jar. But instead of disparing and going "OH NO!" I just picked it up and started playing with the watery paint - spreading it out, blotting it with the jar and "pulling" it down into the canvas. Bascially using the jar as a brush. I loved it!

But the water had a mind of its own. It completing started pooled in a "swoosh" fashion to the right (perhaps my table is slightly off!) but even the final effect is fine with me.

One of my favorite aspects of paint is that I use so much water that more often than not, the final dried look is very different then what I see in the wet areas. And it always surprises me in a very nice way. I don't think I've ever come back and thought "On no! Why did it do that?" :)

It's a great reminder to go with the flow - literally. And to enjoy these small, fleeting moments. We are not in control - the Universe is. And to let go but still enjoy each moment for what it is, is a great meditation.

Today I finally did some yoga - feeling quite awesome.

Gray I, II, III acrylic series finished

Been staring at these for weeks, perhaps couple months now thinking if there's something more I should do with these. Finally the other night I took them down and signed them. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and say - they are done.

Finding inspiration in Wreath-making

Such a beautiful book! Today I'm feeling quite bored actually with my 100 Day Project - I'm only on day 35. So far it's just been sooooo good to get back into the swing of painting. Things have just poured out of me for this past month. But now I'm starting to get bored with the limitations of this kind of painting. I cannot take my time or really think that much with this kind of sketching. So I must push myself and experiment more - getting more and more "uncomfortable" - practicing what you preach yes?! This blog is just the daily reminder of what I need to hear and think about. And I happen to share with the 4 people on my subscriber list! :) When I get into these spells, I slow down the painting process and then feel like cleaning up my studio and re-organizing. It's just part of the whole process and I trust it now. I go inward and start to retreat to think and just sit with stuff. Ideally in my masters' programs, I would start to look for inspiration everywhere and anywhere. And just be in reflection, quiet mode until something kind of sparked and initial - ok let's try this!

But I do not have the time here. And while picking up stuff I happened  upon this book again, The Wreath Recipe, that was given to us for free to all the participants of the 2015 Alt Summit conference in Salt Lake City (if you've ever heard of this conference it is AMAZING!). But when I got this book I thumbed through marveling at the stunning photographs and even more strikingly beautiful compositions of these wreaths. I knew I would never do any of them - this is an instructional book showing how you can make your own beautiful wreaths throughout the year. I knew I would never do this sadly because I'm just not a "crafty" type of person. I'm also pretty lazy and I HATE HATE HATE following instructions - like . . . that's one of my biggest peeves. Whatever. BUT I knew I would of course keep this book when I thought of the compositions.

Well I found it again this weekend. And so my post for Day 35 is in reference to this photo of a beautiful staging of sweet pea flowers. I love the simplicity, the soft colors and the shockingly bright fushia of the little flowers underneath. I also appreciate the vast spaciness of the gray background - my graphic design coming into influence here which I yearn for in my paintings but never seem to force myself to do - perhaps I should for fun.

But my point is that you can find virtually anything to be an inspiration to you. But I love that I didn't recreate this photo literally. It's to reference - I might do a couple of these paintings in reference to this photograph. Take some of the elements of the form, the line, the colors and practice translating it into abstract shapes. Yes my Day 35 painting is reminiscent of floral or organic shapes. But all my paintings reference this - ESP in my 100 day project series so far. Not all my paintings feel so botanical but almost all my paintings so far are organic.

So have it! Look around your world and just note what's inspiring to you - what just makes you pause. You aren't looking to render it at all. But using it for reference to start your own work.

25 DAYS! A milestone so far

 

I've made it through 25 days so far! I thought at first, "can I really do this?" But the secret is to set yourself a goal that is manageable. My life is so busy right now with work full time and trying to spend every moment I can with my 18-month old son. But I have been thinking of getting back into painting for months and months now. And to do a challenge like this you simply must be consistent.

But I'm thrilled with myself! I love it! And of course you are hoping that you will and that it's not an overwhelming challenge but this is perfect timing for me. Just to be able to have "something" that is getting me to paint everyday is a breath of fresh air. I feel better. All throughout each day, it's my own meditation. And I know I'm putting out there into the Universe that I intend to do this and make this a priority in my life just like caring for my son. Work I have to do unfortunately! But painting and my son are top priorities. And who knows what will come my way with art, but at least I'm doing the work now.

So far though, it's been interesting to set myself some limitations. Each painting is completed within 20 minutes. This includes (most often) drying time. And drying time I'm not used to forcing with each layer -- I literally just dry with my hair dryer. So here's couple things I have noticed:

• 20 minutes is really perfect time because you are forced to make quick decisions and move on

• Frustrating to wait for things to dry - but also forces you to move on

• You are forced to just "start" and then forced to "end" it! whether you like it or not! :)

• Within the time slot, more often as you practice, your intuition completely takes over. You cannot really think a lot because you are moving fast! But you are more likely to try new things and be surprised by them.

• Teaches you to definitely not fear the "blank" paper or canvas or whatever. You just have to GO!

• Different decisions like starting with white paper, or designed paper, or pastel paper, you are "reacting" to what's in front of you from the start. It's great to change it up becuase you are starting from different decisions then always white paper which is generally what people think is expected. But it helps to challenge your brain a little bit, you are mentally looking for slightly different strategies to keep your interest and then the direct effect is that it will be new. So you will try new techniques or tactics in your paintings.

• Oftentimes, my "go-to" techniques involve lots of water dabbling and pooling of paint with water. But with these 20 minutes paintings I literally just cannot wait for things to pool and dry on their own. So I have to loose a lot of those pools of paint that I love. Instead I have used a lot of paper towels to "dabble" away the excess water/paint pools. That in itself is a newer technique for me to always be my "go-to." I also like to stamp the left over throughout the painting too which gives another effect. So it's good even though it's not preferable to me, I'm still doing something different then I'm used to.

• Using different type of paint is always fun. Mainly use Acrylic but have fallen in love with Annie Sloan's paint as well. IT is chalky, pastel paint that is super easy to work with. You can make it opaque but also transparent with just a little bit of water. And it's very easy to dry.

• 20 minute paintings every day really does teach you to detach from you artwork. It sounds strange, but you have to detach in order to just get it out and move on. Already looking at these 25 pieces, I literally forget "oh yeah I did that one!" And looking back I may like one or not like one at all. But it doesn't matter. It's just a record of my decisions that one day.

• Again, many are not good. But that's awesome! It's identical to practicing an instrument, you practice and practice and goof up and mess up your notes or your fingers on the piano and you just do it over. And sometimes things just flow out but most often it's more of a struggle perhaps. But you are practicing! Only difference is that you have a physical record of these practice sessions verses music where the audience doesn't hear your practiced mistakes when you perform at a recital.

• I realize I understand now why the Yale Professor started this project for his art students (which is where Elle Luna got the idea for herself and to start this campaign). It's awesome for newbies especially to just paint, paint, paint, paint. Get used to painting. Get used to the materials, the process, and to learn about yourself. But it's been perfect timing like I said before for myself, to get back into the habit of painting.

Ok what will 50, 75, and 100 bring? Can't wait!