Creative Process, Mindfulness & Ritual

The following are answers to some questions that I recently submitted for an application to publish an article about my work. We’ll see what happens. But I enjoyed the questions and wanted to share my responses.

What’s your creative process?

My creative process is very much akin to a musician who improvises, in a jazz context for example. I have ideas or an idea in mind but never plan the final outcome. It is a very intuitive place to create from in that I relish spontaneity and the unknown. I’m looking for the “mistakes” and more often they are not mistakes, they are the essence that provide uniqueness to that painting. Just like a musician might play within a certain key and beat, I will start with color.  The painting process is the moment and when finished, it is gone and I move on. It is a daily practice, just like a musician. The only difference is that my mistakes and decisions as a painter are visually recorded as a process, not necessarily concerned with the final outcome.

With over a decade of painting under my belt, I truly see painting as a series of visual decisions. These decisions layer upon each other one after another. Some decisions work better than others but there’s no “bad” or “good” paintings or marks. If I “mess up” I remind myself that I made that decision, I can always go back to it, and in that way, there are no mistakes in painting. Some decisions work better in one painting, while that same decision might not work as a solution for a different painting.

A lot of your writing about your process connects mindfulness with creating. Can you explain further?

In a modern context, painting has become a very meditative experience for me, a process to practice creative mindfulness in a full and busy life as a mother of two small children with a full time job. I see myself as not only a painter, but I have many, many interests. Painting is an essential part of coping with the everyday stress and hectic lifestyle that we all seem to operate on now as we are all “accessible” 24/7 tied to our iphones and devices. Doing something creative with our hands is as important as going out into nature to take a brief walk. It connects us back to ourselves, helps quiet our thoughts, brings a tactile experience and uses our brain in unique ways like visual problem solving. I see a lot of similarities between my process of making art and practicing yoga.

Many artists have rituals or habits to help them get into a space to create work. What do you consider are your rituals?

I think my own art practice in and of itself has become an essential ritual or practice in my daily life. Being a mom of two young boys and working full time, my art practice has become my meditation space. Allowing myself to be creative for even 30 minutes has had a profound effect on my sense of balance and well being.

I used to have a stigma that I could only do art when I had three hours be productive or that's when the "magic happens." But I'm not in graduate school anymore where I could paint for 8 hours a day. Life is happening. Now I am grateful if I get 20 minutes here or 45 minutes there to put another layer on this painting or that painting. And I don't berate myself for that.

Within my artistic practice, I have several "rituals" that are essential for me to work from. The first is the environment and space itself. I have to have an area for my art in my home (right now it's in our finished basement), for me to pull everything out because as I'm working on paintings I have to get messy. I will not paint if I have to clean it up every time but prefer to leave right where I left off the night before.

I need music with no-words to inspired me, mostly classical music. And downstairs I more often put on DVD's of my favorite Masterpiece Classic British TV or movie series like Downton Abbey or Larkrise to Candleford. The shows or movies, though have to be ones I've seen a million times otherwise I'll watch and not work. I use them to listen to the stories.

For producing work, If I'm stuck, I often practice collage first which is a wonderful strategy to get the juices flowing and get some quick work done. They are very much like a sketchbook to try out ideas.

And then I have to work on several pieces at once (usually about 4-7 but sometimes more) as I start to play around with ideas and jump from one painting to the next, all the while eventually finishing them one by one.

And finally, if I'm in the middle of a series and not feeling productive, I will turn to my books. I will go to the bookstore to look at magazines to feel inspired and also go back to my little library of cut-out favorite images in boxes or taped in sketchbooks or flip through my favorite art books. By then, something will have inspired me to start painting again.

However, my process is very much akin to a musician who improvises, in a jazz context for example. I have ideas or an idea in mind but never plan the final outcome. Just like a musician might play within a certain key and beat, I will start with color.  The painting process in the moment and when finished, it is gone and I move on. It is a daily practice, just like a musician. The only difference is that my mistakes and decisions as a painter are visually recorded as a process, not necessarily concerned with the final outcome.

Thank you Kant

Recently I re-discovered my old journal from my MFA program and besides throwing me into a fun trip down memory lane, it has resurfaced some of the same questions I still have about what kind of art am I still making and why?

Ideas like pattern, decoration, home decor. Why am I still attracted to these themes in my artwork and feel inspired to use these pre-made color schemes and floral patterns in my latest series?

In researching for my master’s thesis on the value of decoration as a cultural construct, I was interested to learn that there was a specific moment in history when decoration became of a "lesser" value then other art in our Western culture. From this point on, the discourse of art would be within the framework of "higher" and "lower" forms of making art: the "higher" being true art, the "lower" being craft or decoration.

In other cultures, decoration can be the highest form of art, and even be considered the most sacred representation of a culture's spiritual beliefs. Take the Maori, for example, the indigenous peoples of New Zealand, who view Moki, or the application of body tattoos to be sacred. The symbols tell the story of the individual as a unique person to his or her tribe, ancestors, and social standing (source).

Within the context of the last four-hundred years in Western art, the origin of decoration being of the "lesser" arts have been a constant cultural debate. Where did this all come from?

The answer is during the Age of Enlightenment in France a philosopher by the name of Immanuel Kant published his Critique of Judgment in 1790. Kant defines decoration as "a maker's intent to beautify an object beyond the functional use of the object." Something humans have been doing since the dawn of time, decorating caves for example. Kant claims no true objectivity can be pursued when it comes to art. In naming an object as "beautiful," for example, there must be a universal value placed upon it, and he emphasized that all judgment of taste is subjective, based upon varying degrees of emotional attachment (Kant, 92).

He concluded four basic "reflective judgments," namely the "agreeable, the beautiful, the sublime and the good."

Decoration and ornamentation would fall under the categories of "agreeable and beautiful." Before Kant, there was no different meaning behind decoration or ornamentation. They were valued both equally.

Ralph Lauren Roses, acrylic, chalk paint on tablecloth, 42”x30” 2018. Kathryn Neale Studio.

Kant explains that for him, beauty is an end unto itself. It is the "disinterestiness" that makes Beauty exist as pure whereas "agreeable" beauty, is not an end unto itself, but “that which pleases the senses in sensation.” Kant states that anything that is not Beauty, but that which pleases through emotion, is defined as agreeable beauty and its only role is to please (Kant, 110-111).

Decoration and ornamentation fall under this definition. Decoration is defined by Kant as that which can be an “ornament and embellish” but it can also “beautify, prettify, enrich and enhance." In general, Kant briefly describes, “ornament” as that which is “not internal to the entire representation of the object.” A frame, for example, that distinguishes a painting, is called “decoration and detracts from genuine beauty” (Kant 111).

At this point in Kant's thesis Kant concludes that because the purpose of decoration and ornamentation is "to please," it is placed of a "lesser value upon them then 'pure Beauty.'"

How convenient. Ornamentation and decoration play subservient roles to agreeable beauty. When Kant applies these scientific rules to his analysis of beauty, he has to place these definitions into a system. Therefore, a hierarchical relationship between the definitions of beauty relegates decoration and ornamentation to the lesser form.

It is undetermined if this was Kant’s original intent but the ramifications of this viewpoint certainly has reverberated throughout the discourse of beauty.

In the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, an established reaction against ornamentation brought on the birth of modernism. Adolf Loos, a turn-of-the-twentieth-century architect and essayist, wrote in his Ornamentation and Crime (1909), that the evolution of culture is directly linked to its elimination of ornamentation. His outrageous proposal equated the degeneration of a modern society with the superfluous use of ornamentation, in declaring, “only primitive cultures would cover objects with patterns” (Tietenberg, 14).

The discourse between the use or non use of pattern and decoration came to a frenzied halt during the twentieth century. The rise of modernist values placed form and function over the decorative.

Fabrication I, oil on canvas, 36”x36”, 2007. Kathryn Neale Studio.

Thanks to Kant for the continued discourse of the debate between "Higher Art" and "Lower Art," in which I experience firsthand myself what I stumbled upon, unknowingly, in the academic world. My first foray into the world of abstract painting firmly placed me right in the middle of the Abstract Expressionist movement in the 1950s starting with Jackson Pollock.

My first paintings were copying this style. And what's weird is that I didn't even realize it! I started to work on my first abstract paintings, trying to free myself up, grabbing a palette knife instead of a brush and these paintings were the first I came up with. It wasn't like I was remotely even thinking about copying Pollock.

The rest of the year was a fast whirlwind of formal experimentation as my professor and my own research were my only teachers. I enjoyed experimenting, copying, and finding out what I was attracted to or not. I did not yet have to ask myself why.

I do specifically remember though, in that program and then in my MFA program, the fact that I was attracted to pattern at all, was actually a disturbing discourse with some professors. It made them uncomfortable. It was like I was a disappointment that this was my interest.

Was it because I wanted to use pattern to comment on the exploitation of Colonialism of the West on African or Indian continents during the 19th century? No.

Or was it because using pattern was a brilliant vehicle to shock my viewers with sexual innuendos as a comment on Feminism? No.

Or perhaps I found pattern in the mundane of our everyday life, like patterns found on roads or sidewalks and I wanted my viewers to notice these types of pattern? No.

Construct I (Windows Series), Acrylic, paper on panel, 50"x37", 2010. Kathryn Neale Studio.

I'm just interested in pattern as a language of beauty. And the fact that we constantly regurgitate it over and over, repeating, like pattern itself, the motifs and symbols and stylized forms of foliage, flowers, and organic forms and decorate everything in our house with these images. That's pretty much it. That in and of itself is interesting to me still.

Do I need more than that? Why? Why do I need to shock or validate or re-contextualize, or go any deeper than what's actually happening in our interior design and consumer culture? Well, and maybe also the fact that elevating pattern to an art should be valued.

But more on this topic because when I continued to do a deep-dive into my research for my thesis, I stumbled upon a totally unknown movement that is not even recorded in our history books. I was shocked I'd never heard of it before! And the movement happened smack dab right in the middle of the roaring Feminist Movement 1975-1985. And hardly anyone knows about it or even highlights these group of artists.

As soon as I discovered more about this group, the more I was convinced I had found a context that I agreed with for my art. Something that I had been struggling to prove even to myself.

(to be continued in next post)

Sources:

• Immanuel Kant, Ed by Paul Guyer, Trans by Paul Guyer & Eric Matthews, Critique of the power of Judgment, Cambridge University Press: Cambridge, 2000, p. 92, 110-111, 111.

• Annette Tietenberg. “The Pattern Which Connects.” Pattern in Design, Art and Architecture. (Basel: Birkäuser Verlag, 2007), p.14

Trip Down Memory Lane

Stumbled on my old art journals tonight–especially the big one that took me all the way through my MFA program.

It’s interesting. I’m still processing, not sure how I feel when I look through these pages. Endless scribbles, notes, half-written journal entires, notes from critiques, names of artists & movements, and lists and lists of fragmented ideas. It’s impressive! So many ideas!

I’m just now (as I approach my 38th trip around the sun) truly delving into one of my greatest strengths from that Briggs-Myers personality test, trying to understand it better and see it for what is really is: a strength. It is called “IDEATION.”

Ideation is defined in this context by people who are “fascinated by ideas.” Folks who are able to “find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena,” and “relish free-thinking experiences such as brainstorming and discussion groups.”

I’ve always vaguely been aware that for some reason I love to sit down with a good friend and chat for hours on . . . well. . . anything and everything. And when a particular conversation is enlightening or provides more profound insights, I walk away completely energized and free.

But I honestly thought that was just fun. And that everyone does this!

I didn’t realize how much I would miss that part of me and that it actually needs be consistently nourished if it doesn’t just happen naturally in my environment. Until relatively recently, looking back at this unique experience, such as going through my Masters program, it was such an intensely intellectual period of my life. These pages were written well over 9 years ago now, and tonight as I flip through them, I’m . . . amazed?

Who IS this girl? For sure I feel a rush of memories assail me, flooding back as if I was sitting in those critiques, jotting down notes in lectures, gathering interesting information in the library and trying to reflect on my process in the studio. All essential things to be doing during the program.

But it seems so far away now. As I flip through reading bullet points and messy scribbles of hard to read handwriting, it was like I couldn’t capture the ideas fast enough.

And that’s exactly what I remember. The feeling of utter frustration that while I had access to all these juicy ideas either from material I read or the professors themselves, at the same time, I was completely over-stimulated and bombarded constantly. I had almost no time to process, digest, shift through, pause, absorb or reflect.

I loved the intellectual stimulation though, and even in that arena at that time I was aware at how unique that academic experience provides. But as I came back down from that experience of being constantly overstuffed and overfed to . . . nothing after graduation, it was quite a shock. Back to the real world where obligations of work and family were once again the priority. I had a reprieve but because my husband had little interest in the world that I was consumed in for over two years, it felt very isolating and lonely.

No wonder I failed to engage back into routine life.

Fast forward to today, almost a decade after this journal was written, I look through it with a completely new perspective. Perhaps this is good timing. I am a totally different person now. I am also very much detached from the experience, I would say in a healthy way. Perhaps it is time to revisit and re-engage with some of these ideas, make them my own and internalize them.

The total wilderness of constant info, prompted responses, reflections, insight and just plain thrashing of your artwork and the constant demand to defend it in your own right, completely took a tole on my emotional and intellectual psyche. What was actually me, what did I actually think? What did I believe? Why did I believe it?

In the end, the experience completely intellectualized the entire creative process. This is not abnormal when trying to fit any creative and innovative thinking into some kind of structure, and academia certainly one of the most challenging areas simply because how can you “grade” a piece of artwork?

That is why I do remember people advised me not to go back to MFA program and just keep painting. But a part of me wanted this intellectual stimulus that jolted me out of my everyday life and exposed me to so many new ideas. But, at what cost?

There certainly is a place for critical thinking in art. But, as I’ve come to work on my own again, for me, that place is after the art has been created. When I’m in the middle of creating, it’s in my opinion, that’s when the critical thinking part of our brains need to be turned OFF and the gut and intuitive decisions need to be turned ON.

I’m amazed I have a complete record written down in front of me that I can just jump back in a flip through - like a time warp. It is now, thankfully, stripped of all that EGO (mine & the professors), all the ulterior motives and selfish guiding instead of heart-felt mentoring.

Sadly, that’s what I most remember being particularly painful at the end. I made it through this rigorous experience but I still had very little trust that the instructors truly had my overall well being in mind. My creative journey, my art, was an instrument for their personal ego to manifest whatever intentions or motivations they deemed the “best.” I’ve never been before or since then, around such brazen ego in my life!

And as much as I truly wanted to respect them and their work, most often, I was face-to-face with some really nasty and pettish people! People that I did not even like or would want to be around or get to know in my normal life. The politics to me were unbelievable and it wasn’t even in a top #1 program like Yale!

So perhaps it is time. Time to bury the negative and look for the gems of the positive in my journals. Gleam any nuggets of information or insight that might be valuable to me here and now. Honoring the freedom of brainstorming and thinking of new ideas and how that makes me feel - stimulating, energizing, life-giving.

But above all, the entire experience once again reminds me that any person, (but especially artists), ultimately we must all listen to our own inner voice. If our motivations are true, then our hearts will align with our Higher Purpose and listening to our voice is the only way to move forward. And this apply to all great artists - whatever art you are creating in your daily life!

In the Studio: Creating "Rose"

In this short series I would like to share my process about creating my paintings. I hope to demystify the process of creating the piece of art and show that for me, it really doesn’t “come together” until the very end. And again for me in my process, the trust to stick to it and just take each step one at a time, is what I love about it because it really is a “process.”

For “Untitled Rose,” this series is a bit unique because the works on raw linen are a continuation of my other linen series from 2015-2016 (click here).

Most often I like to work on a lot of paintings at the same time and start to “bring them all up” at similar times. This way it is very easy for me to experiment and try different motifs or themes or mark-making or color schemes, and if I like them and just want to keep going in that direction, I feel a lot of freedom to transfer those same elements to each piece as I move through all of them. Then a certain number of them will be worked on together and then they will eventually be finished.

Then others of that series will have to “sit and wait their turn” so-to-speak.

In this situation, life happened. All last year (2017-2018) I was pregnant and then paused to have and take care of our second son. Then, as many women can relate, once my body had physically, emotionally and energetically finished creating a human being, I had a BURST of creative energy left to direct toward painting. Again, the overarching theme of all my work is, I just have to trust the entire process.

So with this series, these unfinished raw linen pieces were supposed to be worked on and finished to include in 2016. But they sat there with only a few layers on them.

I tried to look back into my photo archives to show what they looked like (pretty bare) before the stencils were layered (above photo). But I couldn’t find them.

The above photo shows the floral stencils in ivory chalk paint that I got excited about in this entire new series. This is my first piece that I took those stencils and had fun with. As you can see my latest series expands on that motif over and over again.

Then I needed to create some more depth, so the added “maroon” blobs, and even pushed further to add the dark gray areas. Then it needed a bit of an “accent” so I added the periwinkle areas.

Part of the painting needed to get covered up so that the rest of the painting could shine and come forward and be “special.” This process is forever a delicate balance of what to keep and what to let go. In every single painting. It’s the same process. And it all comes down to decisions, decisions, decisions. And not being afraid to loose certain parts of the painting you might really like, because what you gain could be better then you could’ve imagined.

Sounds a bit like life yes? Yes. As I write this, I'm reminded that perhaps this is WHY I want to write out my process and share. Simply because the intuitive wisdom that I’ve learned to practice in my paintings, is exactly what I need to hear and read and internalize for my life.

For many of my paintings, there’s no “right” way to orient them. Some are better then others. And during the painting process I will rotate the paintings around - looking at them on the floor, on the wall and finally even using photos on my iphone (which helps tremendously for my process). This painting stayed with the darker side anchored on the lower right. It just kept coming back to that so I finally gave in.

And for the final layering, the darker blobs were getting pretty stark. I was not sure what to add. I had experimented with the stencils, washing the light pink over parts of them or like the bottom right, washes of light green/blue to add variety and not just make them “stencils” on the surface. These layers needed to weave “in and out” of each other over and over. Like a mess of real branches or floral attributes.

Finally I had the impulse to flick watered chalk paint spontaneously in a spray of droplets. And that half second decision finalized the piece.

In the Studio: Getting into a Routine

my studio - 9.18.18 (always have to have a movie on! My favorites are BBC British TV or PBS Masterpiece Classic . . . and Outlander of course!)

Routine is a funny thing. As an artist, inherently I battle against it, not wanting to get into anything “strict” because it feels too structured for me. It’s too restrictive and downright leads to boredom, and then dangerously, to depression.

For me, flexibility of an unstructured day breathes freedom into my life. The choice to make decisions based on how I feel and what I feel like doing, and when, is my ultimate goal. For me, it equates to a positive outlook of my day and overall, I feel grateful for the quality of life each day. It also allows for spontaneity and synchronicity to flow much easier, something that I continually search for in my creative process.

But at this time in my life, having no routine or schedule is just frankly, not an option. Having two kids and being married comes with all the stresses of our everyday life.

I’m a full-time working mom, with a new baby son, born in April, and already a mama to almost 5 year old son now. My baby son was born in April and my maternity leave ended in the beginning of June. With going back to work, and then flying to Denver and then Boston to see family for vacation, it’s been quite a busy but exciting summer. It has also been quite a “let down,” to say the least, this fall.

my studio - 9.18.18

My husband also works full time and is continuing his education online getting (another) Masters as well. This past summer he took four months off from his studying and it turned out be a blast. We spent so much time every weekend at the pool and then also at the golf range or riding around in a golf cart. The days were beautiful, bright and just FUN. But it truly felt like we were on this speed train flying through the countryside, hardly having a moment to take a breath, and we blinked, and it is September!

Wait, where the hell did summer go?

In the midst of all this chaos (and still trying to get few hours of sleep at night with a young baby) throughout the summer, it became apparent that instead of focusing on the 100 day project (which I usually have found extremely inspiring for me), I found myself ready and excited to start a new series of works. Yeah! Which is great because that’s what the 100 day project actually helps ignite for myself anyway - just doing something that gets the creative juices going.

my studio - 9.18.18 (baby Trey taking a nappie)

I’ve been way overdue for a new series of works (my latest completed in 2016), so it’s been percolating for some time now. And out of all the mandated routines and schedules of summer camp, daycare, and full weekend days enjoying much needed “family time,” I somehow ended up finding “extra” time here and there to go down into our basement where my studio is, just to paint.

It started with small increments here and there. I have 15 minutes, I’ll put a layer on this painting. Another night I’ll have 30 minutes so I’ll do a couple layers with 3 paintings. I have small paintings, medium and larger paintings. I just continued to layer and layer and layer. One night at a time. Or one afternoon here or there.

The week before my maternity was up, my husband “gifted” me another week of delaying work allowing me some much needed “me” time while it was the first week for our baby boy to go to full-time daycare. So I was home alone during the day. And two days I actually spent three hours each day to paint. It was blissful! And it pushed me ahead in several larger paintings which I could actually see some progress.

Now that I have a second to breathe and reflect why this is still happening, since September is ending, I am proud of myself to say that I’m still doing this! I’ve completed several paintings of the series (see here), but I’m still only half way through. Why am I still doing this?

my studio - 9.18.18

I ask myself because I usually do not like to work this way - with a LOT of things in my life. I usually prefer to be “project-based” where different projects come my way and there’s a beginning, middle and end. And it may be intense for a couple weeks or a day or two but then the push is over. And then other times it might be slower and quiet. But I thrive on this kind of pace. It feels cyclical and manageable, and exciting and interesting.

Doing things little by little in “chunks” is not something I inherently find enjoyment in - mainly because I think BIG, I’m a dreamer. That comes with advantages but also weaknesses. I dream up all these possibilities and it’s so fun in my mind, then I come down to earth and it’s tough to start the nitty-gritty. Needless to say I start 100’s of things and have a challenge finishing them.

And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve read so much about this is how a lot of people get their business online going in the midst of their everyday life. Just the compound effect fact, little by little, doing it over time is way more effective and sustainable then jumping in with high expectations and finding yourself quitting before even barely started. Certainly can be that way with diets and exercise.

For me, it’s the “inevitability,” the scheduling that everything is the same over and over each day . . . forever, that kills me. (My husband, The Accountant, thrives on these mini-routines, makes him feel secure and safe). I feel suffocated because my life is now mapped out in front of me. I feel like I loose control.

my studio - 9.18.18 (Grant playing)

But THIS IS WORKING for me! And I can hardly believe it. I attribue a lot to my 5 year old son, right now. Because he wants to be in the same room as I am while he’s playing, and the simple practicality helps in that we’ve set up his playroom in the basement next to where I work. As long as I am putting on one of my favorite BBC British TV series and working near or around my desk, Grant is so happy and content to play near me. Trey (our baby boy), benefits too. He has several “spots” that I can now put him in for 10 minutes here or there, or often, he takes a nap by the heater on the floor.

In this way, the consistency of just being home, having 30 minutes or an hour to kill before bedtime has been immensely helpful for me. I feel such accomplishment! I also find consistency - just looking at my artwork each night allows me to think on it all the next day, to visualize and test out what I could do there or there to take it 1 step further.

Yes, my dream would be to have designated studio days to paint all day long. But for right now, this is working because I’ve chosen to have a family, and a life outside of just being a painter. And I love that and accept it but also need to allow myself to breathe and not make such high, unrealistic demands about it.

As I get older I do find comfort in knowing that I will be doing this for the rest of my life - painting is not something that I will ever stop. So in that way, I will always circle back to it.

And on the flip side, in a life right now that seems very restrictive in a way that I struggle daily with the structure, routine and the “should do’s” that aren’t fun, as long as I have these couple minutes to be creative, I find I am happy with myself. I am grateful for my life.

Surprise message from my inner voice

Yesterday, I was picking up my boys from daycare & school, and something landing (KERPLAT!) on my windshield immediately freaking me out! I was going about 10 mph rolling up to the entrance waiting in a small line, and at first, my reaction was to violently tap the windshield to make the "bug" go away. As soon as I slowly parked, I took a half second to actually look at the bug. It was HUGE! But doing a double-take, I realized, it was a grasshopper!

When was the last time I actually saw a REAL grasshopper? I stared at it. My brain trying to make sense of the reptile-like hard shell, big legs, and spindly antennae. Sitting on my windshield it looked like it was totally suspended in thin air! It was like a complete alien to me.

I'm not at all the best bug person. I have a healthy respect for all insects but I'm not the type of person who thinks they're fascinating. Pretty sure grasshoppers actually live in like, the GRASS or prairie or whatever. Yes, I live in the midwest so it's not at all a surprise to hear them in the background singing away with the acacias. BUT on my windshield in West County Suburbia? That's a first.

I slowly opened my door so as not to scare it into my car and quickly shut it. I thought about waving it off to fly away but I decided why the hell not just let it chill for a bit. When I got my boys and came back to the car I had already forgotten about it. So when I slammed my door closed and looked up, it was still there!

Intrigued, I quickly googled the symbolism of a grasshopper:

"When the grasshopper appears to us we are being asked to take a leap of faith and jump forward into a specific area of life without fear. Usually that specific area is one that we have avoided and is often connected to change on a larger scale. This can represent a change in location, relationships, career or just in the way we perceive ourselves.

Grasshoppers can only jump forward….not backward, or sideways. So, when grasshopper shows up he could be reaffirming to you that you are taking the right steps to move forward in your current situation. Or it could be that he is telling you to go ahead and move forward, getting past what is hindering you. This is why grasshopper is the symbol of good luck all over the world. Grasshopper’s ability to connect and understand sound vibrations is why he is also a symbol of your inner voice. he could be telling you to trust yours."

Read more: 
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_spiritual_meaning_of_grasshoppers#ixzz2l9s7BEfE

Understandably, I got chills. Holy cow how apropos! Being asked to take a leap of faith is something I'm doing right now, right here in this blog space, right here offering art classes and seeing if I can really give back to the world through my art. Things that I've been dreaming about for past 5+ years, I'm finally just saying "the hell with this! I'm trying!" and letting go of that fear.

"Usually that specific area is one that we have avoided" is certainly right where I am right now too. Thinking this is not possible, it could never be sustainable as a career and will I find enjoyment in reaching out to others, sharing in this creative process. Making art can be very isolating. While that's very positive and healthy environment to just be with oneself and learn to trust and hear your own voice, it's also just as healthy to share and give and connect with others. Whatever it might be and where it might take me, to trust in my own intuition and inner voice. 

As soon as I read this the grasshopper spread it's wings and flew off. I sat there for a moment. I wanted to write this blog post to remember it. 

Then I hear my 4-year old behind me, "Why aren't we leaving mama?" snap me back to reality.

How cool it is that the universe can send us tiny little messages - so small and insignificant, I would've completely missed if I hadn't taken a second to sit there awed by this ancient insect.

childhood games

To this day, I remember almost ALL of my childhood games I used to play. (I'm sure I'm not at all alone in this!) I remember I never stopped "playing," imagining all different kinds of worlds, scenarios and characters. Whatever I watched in movies or on TV, I immediately was inspired to go out to play it and do my own version of it. Whether it was Winnie the Pooh, Batman, Sound of Music, The Little Mermaid or even those blue faced Smurfs, to this day I can actually remember all of those games. Above is an example I wrote down a few years ago of a list that I came up with - it's 3 pages long! (read below of what I remember)

My mom was an elementary school teacher for almost three decades, and I always had to go to school in the wee hours of the morning with her while she prepared for her day. She gave me blank books to draw in and I still have those books I created. A favorite theme was a red-haired "Pollyanna" and her adventures through a series of several books. I loved illustrating them! I still have those books and as I write this, I realize I should post them!

Now that I am a mother, my almost 5 year old son, I've delighted in witnessing his creative nature and how it has changed over the many months from 2 to now. I remember the first time that he started to quietly play with action hero dolls. It was almost 3 years ago, we were at a friend's house who had older brothers so they had Star Wars action figures scattered around their house. My little guy went right over, picked two up and started playing out voices and interacting with both of them. Most of it was "I want to play with you," and the other one, "NO!", then "I'm sorry I would like to play with you." I about shouted out loud with glee - YIPEE!

So I immediately went back home and ordered couple action figures for him to play with because it was time. Now we have twenty-two! And one of my favorite pass times now is just to watch my kid play (how voyeuristic is that?!) 

This is probably the main thing that I miss most about being a kid. We had limitless freedom to just "drop into a world" and play whatever we want, pick it up and put it down anytime, anywhere (probably why kids love video games these days!) where time just flew by. It was just SO FUN.

Now that I'm an adult, I see some similarities between this "playtime" and how I approach how to create my artwork. It has to be fun and inspiring for me. Something easy that I can jump into and out of without restrictions, time constraints or frankly, expectations. There's no end result. It's like playing within your own imaginary world where I am all the characters and I can make all the decisions. Some days I feel like making these kinds of decisions, other days, it flows this way or that way. But ultimately there's no one saying this "isn't right" or explaining to me why "this can't work out" etc. Just like a child I can invent anything I want, take it way, start over or repeat it over and over again. The sky really is the limit. 

***** I do want to put a little tag line in here that making my artwork is not super "easy." And I had to LEARN myself how to get to this point with my artwork because getting my MFA in an academic setting I could argue that was not "fun." There are days though still, when things are just not working (and I'll post on that later). The myth that artists just sit down and "create" and it "flows out of them like honey" is just that–a MYTH. But I have heard various artist lectures about the challenge of creating art that is difficult for them, either subject matter or with materials, and working in the studio is a process of real "sweat and toil." It's HARD. I'm not disrespecting anyone's process or how they make their artwork because to each their own, and I get that. This type of motivation can be highly constructive. It's just that for me, personally, I could never do that. I would never make art now because it's super challenging and difficult. That's just not me. I would NEVER do it. 

That's why I have loved working on smaller works, like my 100 day projects. (2018 series is still being finished this fall - since birth of my 2nd son happened in April, that was the start of the new project this year, I, understandably, fell off the wagon pretty quickly trying to keep up!). It becomes a daily practice - like I'm practicing piano. I can make mistakes, mess up, try things, until I get something right. No pressure. And for me, that's where it becomes fun.

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THINGS I DID & REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LITTLE 

• watch thunderstorms all night from my bedroom window
• be at home alone, turn up my stereo to full volume with my current fav soundtrack & sing songs at top of my lungs (a favorite around Middle School was Bodyguard soundtrack - duh! who doesn't want Whitney Houston's voice?!)
• playing piano for hours and hours with no one home (Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin)
• playing that I had a twin sister - I was eerily obsessed with twins
• when I was in 1st grade I went to a summer camp and there was a sister duo from New Zealand - I spent the rest of the camp trying to talk like them and swore I was a Kiwi native (LOL!)
• watching the old 60's version of Batman and Catwoman TV series "Nick at Night" and playing catwoman in my cherry trees in my yard 
• playing Gone with the Wind, Ten Commandments (of course I was Nefritiri most of the time vs Mariam), Little Mermaid (in the summer with the water hose and birdbath), Robin Hood (Errol Flynn version), and Quiet Man.
• when I was 5, came home every single day to watch Wizard of Oz, then played Dorothy
• in 1st grade I had a cool bunk bed and on the top, I created a whole world based on Winnie the Pooh book illustrations. I took ruled school paper, colored with crayons and cut and taped into windows that opened and closed with different scenes outside (like snow), or full on cupboards full of honey and berries, trunks full of clothes and blankets and a clock. I was a chipmunk friend lived in my own treehouse. I wish I had taken a photo it was AMAZING I'm sure. 
• i loved to draw and illustrate stories
• I was obsessed with eyes - portraits of people with stunning eyes
• I used to take cloth dinner napkins and American Girl Kristen's clothes to make elaborate medieval & Renaissance costumes for my Barbies with petticoats and veils (this was after I saw the 1960's version of Romeo & Juliet).
• 2nd-4th grade obsessed with American Girl Kristen and her story – my greatest Christmas memory was when I actually GOT the doll and I freaked out! I only got Kristen and couple dresses but that was enough. I still have that doll - an ORIGINAL American Girl (before they sold to Matel).
• 7th grade my best friend and I, Tricia, watched Kenneth Branagh's version of "Much Ado About Nothing" every single day for a while summer and religiously quoted the entire screenplay. We went as far as to ask her Grandmother to make us these white dresses with corsets like Emma Thompson and Kate Beckinsale wear and planned this whole real pinic in the "Tuscan landscape" in 105 degree weather in St. Louis August heat. We were only allowed to speak to each other in "Old English" (aka what WE THOUGHT was "Shakespearean").
• When I was 10, my favorite music soundtrack was Henry IV choral songs. When I had a bad day I would blast it from my parent's stereo sound system to full volume (swear speakers broke) and cry and cry and feel better after.
• My mom & dad loved music and that was the era coming off major musical movies that my mom grew up with. So I loved all Broadway plays. Cats, Phantom of the Opera (I played religiously with these certain Barbie dolls and Ken), Les Miserables, Oklahoma, Sound of Music, Bye Bye Birdie, Hello Dolly!, and Meet Me in St. Louis were all religiously played over and over throughout many, many years.
• and much . . . much . . . more!

Artist Gallery Talk Dec 9th, 2017 @ Art Saint Louis

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SPECIAL EVENT
COFFEE WITH THE ARTISTS: SATURDAY GALLERY TALK
Saturday, December 9, 11 a.m.    FREE

Please join us at Art Saint Louis on Saturday, December 9, at 11 a.m. and meet several of the featured artists in Art St. Louis XXXIII, The Exhibition.

Guests can enjoy complimentary coffee tastings courtesy of Catalyst Coffee Bar while the artists talk about their works on view in the exhibit, discuss the media that they use and the various techniques that they apply to making their form of artwork. The artists may also bring in samples of their other works or also present a demo of their particular media & techniques. Guests will walk with the artists through the Gallery as they talk about their works on view in the exhibition. This event is FREE & open to the public.

Meet the following artists at 11 a.m. on Saturday, December 9 and hear them discuss their featured works:
• Lon Brauer
• Miguel de Agüero
• Kathryn Neale
• Terry Vermillion

Artblend Fall Art Exhibition 2017

Artblend Gallery FALL ART EXHIBITION 2017

Saturday, November 18 from 6-8pm

We are pleased to bring you a new presentation of exceptional art
from our group of very talented artists. We look forward to seeing you!

http://www.artblend.com/artists/ 

Complimentary Serving: White Wine and Cheese & Fruit Platter
Soft Contemporary Jazz Music
Casual Cocktail Attire Required, Free and Open to the Public, and Plenty of Parking

Exhibit through February 1, 2018

Artblend Gallery
2736 East Oakland Park Blvd.
Fort Lauderdale, FL. 33306
954-817-4893
www.artblend.com 
info@artblend.com

Artblend EXPO San Diego Sept 2017

Artblend had a successful show in San Diego last weekend - September 2017! Really great to show my work along with so many other fantastic artists!

Announcing Representation by Artblend!

Excited to announce my representation with Artblend in Ft. Lauderdale. Honored to be chosen to join so many talented artists in the gallery. Please check out my work - http://www.artblend.com/kathryn-neale/

MY "ODE to Cy Twombly" piece chosen for Art STL XXXIII: The Exhibition

Thrilled to be part of this local show in St. Louis and also very excited to finally show one of my favorite pieces this winter!

Awarded Best of Show

I am honored and humbled that my piece, "Honeysuckle 1865 (William Morris Series)" was awarded Best of Show in the St. Louis Artist Guild this summer. What a wonderful show! This was the first time this piece has ever been submitted and shown in public because it's quite large and is mounted on panel, so therefore it's extremely heavy. 

Thank you St. Louis Artist's Guild for this opportunity! I also was in town and able to give an Artist's Talk on June 23rd which my husband was able to video me for a couple minutes below. As anyone could imagine I love talking about my work and could probably talk for an hour on my process, etc. But I wanted to be as brief and concise as possible, which is almost impossible to do!

Group Show at St. Louis Artist's Guild

"Lea (William Morris Series)" is showing at the Ann Metzger Memorial National All Media Exhibition. I'm very honored to have my work chosen among fellow accomplished artists. Show starts June 9th and goes through July 22nd.

"Fall" included in 30th Women's Works Show 2017

"Fall" (Four Seasons Series), 2016 was chosen to be included in the 30th Women's Works Anniversary Show in Woodstock, IL! Show opens Thursday, March 9th - April 29th in the Old CourtHouse Arts Center, Woodstock, IL.

Book Publication INPA 6

Honored to have been one of the 72 artists to be included in the International Painting Annual vol 6 published by Manifest Gallery in Cincinnati.

For the INPA 6 Manifest received 1536 submissions from 480 artists in 45 states, Washington D.C., and 31 countries. Entries represented works made from 2012 through mid-2015. The publication includes 108 works by 72 artists from 30 states, Washington D.C., and 7 countries including Canada, China, England, France, Germany, Ireland, and the United States. Essays by John Giglio, Drake Gomez, and Penelope Przekop are also included.

Eleven professional and academic advisors qualified in the fields of art, design, criticism, and art history juried the sixth International Painting Annual. The process of selection was by anonymous blind jury, with each jury member assigning a quality rating for artistic merit to each work submitted. The entries receiving the highest average combined score are included in this publication.

http://www.manifestgallery.org/inpa/inpa6

Can I just stay here?

I can't believe less then a month ago I was in this paradise. Four days is enough to wind down and I am so grateful I had that opportunity. But it's definitely not enough days to just completely "reset." I think 10 days is the average time to completely unwind, have time to reset and then look forward to actually coming back to reality.

However, alas, I am just grateful I got to go at all. And I went for the first time without my 2-year old son. I honestly didn't know how I would handle it because there was so much anxiety leading up to leaving him with my mom and aunt for 5 days. He was fine and they were absolutely amazing so again, so grateful. But for me! I was so worried also about myself allowing myself to let go completely and not be so worried and just enjoy each moment being there in Paradise.

And guess what? Being in a place like the Bahamas at a resort no less, I did not have a problem letting it all go once I got there. I forgot what it's like to just literally have "nothing to do all day," no plans, nothing. I forgot what it was like to just decide moment by moment where we would lay around (beach? or pool?), the decision were, "Mojito or pina colata now?" Forgot what it's like to be tired . . . and just lay down for a nap - in the middle of the day. Who cares?! Forgot what's it like to have real adult conversations for more than 15 minutes - maybe even . . . . 2 hours? I could concentrate on what everyone was saying not just getting snippets. I also could contribute! And have full, uninterrupted thoughts. We would end up eating late, after all the other families had ripped through the restaurants - 8:00 or 8:30 and then get  back to the hotel after 11 pm. I thought I would be so exhausted from staying up late. But when you combine that with literally laying around all day . . . it works out.

I do wish I could've had more time but again, this post is just a reminder to be grateful for what I got. It was unbelievable. The first real vacation in over 10 years. Yes, I've gone on lots of "trips" but not like this. And this was definitely my ideal vacation. Maybe I'll get to go on one in another 10 years but let's hope that it's sooner than that! :) Thank you Universe!

Days 27, 28 & 29 - 100 Day Project 2016

Days 24 - 26 - 100 Day Project 2016

Days 19 - 23